


Please Learn From My Mistakes

by icedcoffeebro



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: ADA Sonny Carisi, Death Threats, Domestic, Established Relationship, Flashback of Near Death Experience, Fluff, Judge Rafael Barba, M/M, Married Couple, Married Life, Slice of Life, Smut, WIP, calex - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2019-11-16 08:17:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18090746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedcoffeebro/pseuds/icedcoffeebro
Summary: Dominick Carisi Jr., Judge Barba's husband, is now an ADA for his old squad, Manhattan SVU.





	1. Sonny's First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first time publishing a fic with multiple chapters so omg. I love this idea of Barba being a Judge. Also the undiscovered country never happened in this au but Barba left SVU to become a judge around that time. 
> 
> This is def gonna be mostly domestic stuff and not so much stuff on the case, hope y'all came for that okay go ahead now.

Dominick Carisi Jr. had never been so nervous in his entire life.

It was Sonny’s first day as the ADA for SVU. He was certain with his years long detective experience, and having the now judge Rafael Barba as a husband, he’d be fine. He had worked already as a prosecution lawyer, he had won some cases and lost some in lower positions, but this was different. He had something to prove. He needed to know he was good enough. 

He was ironing his best suit, when his husband comes in wearing his judge robes. He smiles at him. “I still find you ridiculously hot in that, you know?” he says, giving a peck on the lips to his husband, who gets on his tip toes to reach him. 

“Well, then it’s a good thing I won’t be a judge for your case, counselor.” Barba says, looking at Sonny with his dreamy eyes. 

“And why’s that?” Carisi says, playfully pulling at his husband’s robes.

“Because,” Barba closes the distance between them, “you need to have all your focus on the case, mi amor, and while I’d find you an adorable, nervous first timer, other judge won’t feel the same way,” he feels Sonny’s chin and cheeks to make sure he didn’t mess any shaving spots. He confirms it: he’s flawless, as per usual, “no bias there, mi vida,”

Sonny smiles, kisses his husband, and prepares to leave to his new office. Before leaving, he turns to ask Barba a question;

“Any reason you’re wearing your robes on a day where you have no trials?” Sonny has his husband’s schedule completely memorized, it’s really the only way they could see each other. 

“Moral support,” Barba says as he gives him his classic side smirk, and Sonny swears it makes him fall in love with him over again, “you’ll do great. Now, go,”

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Sonny enters his new office, which in fact isn’t unknown to him; it’s the same office Barba used. He feels himself blush just remembering the stuff they did there before being married, or even boyfriends. He feels the fine wood of the table and goosebumps rise on his arms. This is his office now and he can barely believe it. He hasn’t been called by his boss about any impending SVU cases that need him, so he lets himself take a deep breath and enjoy his dream coming true. All those nights going to Fordham Law after draining days working at the squad had finally paid off. He was gonna do what he had always wanted. Upon some minutes of taking it all in, he let out a big sigh and sat down at his new chair. He knows it’ll be tough, but this is what he wants to do with his life. He’s happy about leaving the cop life behind; too many risks. Here, he’d get by with wit and intelligence, not physical violence.

Things were looking up for Staten Island’s own Sunshine Boy. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

After settling down on the office, Carisi revises different case files left by the previous special victims assistant district attorney, to see how things had been going on legal-wise for the squad. He had left them three years ago, but had regularly kept up with Amanda, who preferred to not talk about the cases they were working on. Which Sonny appreciated; he had left the unit after he nearly died on the hands of a perp, and he didn’t like to hear about heinous crimes while he was chatting with his best friend. He knew the basics; Olivia was still going strong as the boss, Fin was still the same snarky, kind of confused, guy they all knew and loved. 

As he reads the case files, he shivers. His husband assured him that he’d be ready to go back into dealing with sex crimes, that it’ll be fine. But as he reads about a case in which a father was found guilty after they found his dead baby in a dumpster, he takes a deep breath and gives a silent prayer to the Lord to help him. 

Just as he’s done, he hears a knock on his door, “Come in,” he says, shutting down the file and smoothing his suit jacket. 

His old boss, Lt. Olivia Benson walks in carrying a file, and Sonny can’t help but give her a big smile, his eyes squinting, Barba always told him he looked like he was looking at the sun when he smiled, and he couldn’t get that, since he was the Sun himself; Sonny blushed whenever he heard these words from his husband. “Lieu, hello” he stands up to shake her hand, but she goes in for a hug. 

“Carisi, it’s so nice to see you again,” Olivia rubs his back. 

He snorts “Please, Lieu, you know to call me Sonny” he chuckles.

Liv throws her head back and puts strands of her hair behind her ears, “Alright, Sonny” she smiles “I’m so glad we’ll be working together again” she hands him the file, lips pressed and a serious look in her eyes “but it ain’t pretty.”

Sonny receives the file and starts reading through it, occasionally turning to look at Olivia. When he’s done, he tosses it on the desk and lets go of a big breath. “Wow” he stares at the closed file on his desk before addressing Olivia again, “Really?” He pushes his eyebrows together in incredulity. 

Olivia bites her bottom lip and nods “Yep” she nods “Told you”

Sonny grabs the file again, and opens it on the first page, seeing the picture of the defendant and running his tongue through his upper lip. He couldn’t believe who he was seeing in the picture, what he was reading about him. **Fuck.**

 _Peter Stone._ They had only worked together in a couple of cases, Sonny never particularly liked him, but he didn’t know– he didn’t know he had it in him to do such a thing. Then again, if SVU had taught him anything, it was that it was always like that. And hell, he didn’t know the guy at all, really.

After his now husband left the DA office to become a judge, Peter Stone had become their ADA. Sonny left soon after, after a perp nearly succeeded on slashing his throat when he was arresting him. He worked on four cases total with Stone, he could prosecute him with no emotional problem, but still. It was painful when those presumed guilty were supposedly the good guys. Sonny runs his fingers through his neck, tracing the scar. The guy who did it used to be a cop. 

Sonny continues rubbing his scar, thinking on just how much bail should be for such a crime, such a person. The fear of not being good enough threatens to invade him once again. Just then, his phone lights up. 

_[Hope you had a good first day. See you at home.]_ He smiles. His heart fills with love. Rafael is so dry texting, and it used to annoy Sonny, who’s all about emojis, but he can’t help but beam whenever he thinks of crawling into bed with the Cuban after a long day. To think that such a thing can happen to someone like him, feeling so loved, having a _judge_ for a husband, inspires Sonny. He’s not just the scrawny kid from Staten Island. He’s so much more. And he’s ready to prove it, no matter what the case is, and no matter the defendant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk when i'll upload chapter two but i'm excited this is finally a thing. Leave kudos and comments and I might upload it in like, less than a week? Idk lemme know if this is something you're interested in reading bc it's def something im interested in writing! Know it won't be very accurate law-wise, I'm a digital art student :P.
> 
> twitter: @adarafabarba , i talk a lot about some ideas i have and even post small bits of new stories i come up with!


	2. Back to the 16th Precinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plethora of emotions invades Sonny upon returning to his old work place + Lots of domestic Barisi and a smut scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut under the last chapter break just so you're aware!

“Really? He assaulted a minor?” Rafael asks him over dinner, as he struggles to fork over the pasta his husband cooked for him. 

Sonny nods, swallowing a piece of meat and stabbing another one with his fork.

“Wow.” Rafael sets his fork down and looks into the distance, Sonny pushes his eyebrows together “I was judge for some of his cases, and I shouldn’t tell you this, but I’m talking to you as a husband, not as a judge,” Sonny rises his eyebrows as a question “he’s a total asshole, both as a prosecutor and as a person.” Sonny is shocked, he had never heard his husband talk like that about anyone he worked with. He tells him as much, and Rafa just shrugs. “I’m not the judge, so, I can have my opinion on him.” He stands up, throws the leftovers on the organic trash and leaves the plate on the dishwasher. Sonny had turned him into a neat freak when he married him, and he was damn proud of it.

Sonny follows his husbands steps and meets him in their bedroom, where Rafael is taking off his undershirt, Sonny rests on the doorframe, admiring his husband. “Y’know,” he says, Rafael hms in response “I’m using your old office and it brought so many memories back.” a blush spreads through his face down to his collarbones. Rafael smiles lightly.

“Carmen really was a saint.” he says, getting into bed. Sonny takes off his own clothes, gets into his pijama pants and crawls into bed with his husband. They turn to look at each other. 

“You know,” he says as he rests his head on Sonny’s shoulder, “we’ve been married for two years now,” he nuzzles, Sonny kisses his head “and I still am dumbfounded whenever I catch the way you look at me.” 

Sonny smiles widely, Rafael angles his head to look at him and Sonny leans to gently kiss him. “What can I say? You’re the man of my dreams.” 

Rafa wraps his arm around his husband and lays his head on his pec, he traces little circles on his bicep “How did I get so lucky?” 

Sonny closes his eyes, indulging in the moment “Your snark and my admiration formed an undeniable attraction, love” 

Rafael nuzzles into him, eyelids heavy, “When do you have the arraignment?” he asks, his voice sleepy and soft.

Sonny sighs, “They arrested him today,” he looks up to the ceiling “his lawyer made the point of saying there’s no way they’ll plea it out. So.” he gently moves his hand through his husbands bare back. “There’s that. I have the arraignment tomorrow at 1” 

“Then we better rest,” Rafa gently rubs his cheek through Sonny’s chest, the beginning of his stubble making Sonny giggle. “you’ll do great.”

“You think?” Sonny trusts his husbands word, but his self doubt threatens to eat him alive. He needs all the reassurance he can get. 

“Mhm” Rafa says with the infliction he uses whenever he’s dozing off. Sonny finds it adorable, he can’t help but plant a kiss on the top of his head. “You’ll be the best damn ADA SVU has ever seen.”

Sonny snorts, “After you, I’m guessing?” Rafael’s mouth twitches into a smile.

“Were married, you don’t have to worship the ground I walk in anymore” he hugs him closer. 

Sonny rolls his eyes, a habit he adopted from his partner the first year into dating him. “If I didn’t, you’d file for divorce” he teases. 

“Nah,” Rafa says, his eyes still closed “I’ve grown rather fond of you” he teases back.

Sonny plants a sweet kiss on his forehead and closes his eyes, holding his husband. 

“Besides,” Barba says after a long moment, startling Sonny a little, as he thought him asleep “divorce lawyers are insufferable.”

Sonny smiles, letting a tiny chuckle escape. He can’t believe how in love he is. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Rafael is already up by the time Sonny opens his eyes, he heads to the kitchen, where Rafael is heating up some tamales, and hugs his husband by his back, resting his head on his shoulder, crunching over to do so.

“Good morning, sunshine” his husband says, as he turns to kiss the top of his head. Sonny lightly grabs his tummy. 

“You have your first arraignment today,” Rafael says, which Sonny knows is code for ‘take a shower and wear nice clothes’ but he just nuzzles into Rafa’s neck and groans. 

Rafael rolls his eyes and turns to face his husband, grabbing his face, “Babe, c’mon,” he gives him a kiss on the tip of the nose, “as a judge, I like seeing the prosecutors clean shaven and sharp as they can any time they go to the tombs.” He runs his hands through his husband’s stubble. 

“Can we have the tamales first?” Carisi says in a gruff voice, he rubs his eyes “Then we can have a shower together.”

Rafael smiles, “Ay, mi amor,” he gives a peck on the cheek to Sonny, “We’ve been together for four years, yet you still say the most simple Spanish words all wrong.”

Sonny chuckles “Blame my accent,” 

Rafael serves the tamales on the plate, “Sure, blame it on Staten Island” he playfully rolls his eyes and hands Carisi his plate. They both sit down at their kitchen table. 

They talk about the events they have through the day, Rafael has a trial, which means he’ll be busy most of the day, and Sonny has to go to SVU to talk to Liv, then head to the tombs for Stone’s arraignment. 

“Isn’t it weird?” he says, Rafael just lightly nods for him to continue, “Trying people you worked with, I mean”

Rafael sighs, “It comes with the job, Sonny” he licks his lips, “Remember the first time we fought? Because of the Terrance Lawrence case.”

Sonny licks his lips, it’s not a nice memory. They weren’t even dating back then, just fooling around. Sonny hoped back then it could be more than that, but after the way they had screamed at each other because they were sure one didn’t understand the job of each other, all that hope had gone to the trash. If it wasn’t because Sonny was stubborn, their relationship would’ve died right then. 

“I remember, yeah” Sonny nods “but hey, it pushed me to pursue my feelings for you.”

Rafael rolls his eyes, “Coming to my house with a flower arrangement after the case was over to apologize for your wrong morals? Way to win me over, counselor.” 

Sonny sticks his tongue out and points to the ring on his hand, playfully moving his fingers. “Sure seems to have worked.” 

Rafael laughs and stands up to pick up the plates, Sonny then goes to turn the shower on. Their usual routine on a work day. When the water warms up enough, Sonny gets in, his husband joining him soon after. Rafael clears his throat as they shave side by side “Remember we’re having dinner tonight, just you and I,” Sonny hums. With Rafael’s schedule, they rarely have time for a date, and when they do have one, it needs to be at home, where they knew they wouldn’t run into any attorney who’d try to make small talk.

“I’ll be home around 7, if I’m lucky,” Sonny says, and he offers Rafa a smile that makes his eyes squint, Rafael rolls his eyes. 

They finish getting ready, Rafael picks up Sonny’s tie, a little tradition they have since Rafael swears Sonny must be colorblind with the combinations he picks for himself. They head to the car together, first heading to the courthouse to drop off Rafael, then to the 16th precinct, so Sonny can discuss the case with the squad.

Sonny had always teased Rafael during their relationship about his inability to drive, “I can drive” Rafael always replied “I just choose not to.” But Sonny was sure that was a lie Rafael told himself, since he had never seen his significant other behind a steering wheel. Regardless, Sonny enjoyed their little morning commune, always leaving together, his husband keeping his hand on his thigh the entire ride, the chaste goodbye peck he always got from him. It was perfect. 

Once he drops his husband off, he heads to the sixteenth precinct. He feels himself grow nervous the closer he gets. He hasn’t been there ever since he went to pick up his stuff after being discharged from the hospital, bandages still hanging from his neck. He’s scared coming back would trigger something on him; something he couldn’t stop. He’s terrified to be deemed unfit for the job. 

As he enters, the all too familiar smell of the squad room invades his nostrils, memories flooding his mind. He shakes them off, determined to be as professional as he can be. 

“Carisi?” He hears from the opposite side of the room, he turns and sees his ex co-worker looking at him, eyebrows pushed together as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Fin, Sarge,” Carisi approaches him and they hug, he hadn’t seen Fin since the wedding, having shut down the entire squad, save Amanda, since his near death experience, terrified it’d come back to haunt him, he offers Fin a small smile “You know to call me Sonny” he winks.

“At your age?” Fin teases, “c’mon, Liv is waiting for you.”

He guides him to Olivia’s office, and everything is the same it was when he left 3 years ago. He can’t help but touch his neck, feeling as if in any moment, blood will squirt from it, bringing him back to the worst moment of his life. He forgets how to breath for a second and has to stop on his feet.

“Everything okay Carisi?” Fin inquires, concern on his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, it’s just…” he looks at Fin, he can’t lie to him, “brings a lot back.”

Fin squeezes his shoulder, and helps him get to Liv’s office, he knocks on the door. “Carisi’s here,” she takes off her glasses and Sonny enters the office, a small smile on his face “Liv, hi”

“Sonny,” she smiles, “Fin close the door, willya?” Fin nods and leaves, closing the door behind him. Liv joins her hands on her desk. “How can I help you, Sonny?”

“Hi Lieu,” he offers her a smile, “I have the arraignment in two hours,” he says, wasting no time and getting the necessary papers from his briefcase–a present from Rafael– he taps the papers twice against the desk “I just wanna make sure I have everything right.”

“Alright, what do you need?” She shuts her laptop close. 

“So, what do you make from him, from your years working alongside,” Sonny rises his eyebrows.

“Well,” Liv gives him a serious look “I don’t think you remember, but he transferred here when his dad died,” Sonny nods, writing down on his notepad, “and then his sister died, and it seemed he was holding up as much as he could, but after a while he fell down a spiral, was fired by the DA office, and we hadn’t heard from him until some uniforms called us after he assaulted a teenage girl.”  
Sonny bites his upper lip, “Lieu, I meant personal stuff. Stuff maybe not even his attorney knows? I’m assuming he confided in you.” 

Liv tenses up, “Well, he talked about his father any chance he got– which is weird in itself but he also…” Sonny nods along, urging her to continue, Liv sighs, she’s using the voice she uses with victims, which Sonny doesn’t appreciate, he was a victim two years ago, but he stopped thinking of himself as one as soon as he was discharged from the hospital, “he talked as if he was the only person who had daddy issues, it was offputing.” She shrugs.

He writes down the stuff that wasn’t on the case file. “Any possible motive you can think of? Any the attorney argued?” 

“Trevor Langan,” Sonny looks up at the name, still wondering how Stone was able to afford him, he finds no answer in Liv's look, “he’s maintaining Peter’s innocence.”

“And are you?” Carisi tilts his head. 

Liv blinks rapidly, “I just hope we got the right guy,” she says, calm as can be, “I hadn’t seen him in months,” she pinches the bridge of her nose, “it’s never easy when it’s people you know.” Sonny nods, then stands up and smooths his vest. 

“Thanks for your help, Liv, I’ll call if I need anything.” he heads to the exit.

She offers him a kind smile, “Hope you’re doing fine, Sonny.”

He smiles as he stands by the doorframe, “With a husband like mine and this job, I couldn’t be doing better Lieu,” he gets out and closes the door.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Hours after the arraignment, Sonny gets home. At first he thought he’d get there before his husband did, and he could surprise him by gifting him the whiskey they would drink after long work hours in Barba’s office, where they’d allow brave flirtations to escape their mouths under the privacy the four walls offered them. But Sonny had been held back by McCoy lecturing him about the political turmoil of prosecuting an ex Manhattan ADA, then he proceded to talk about Stone Sr., which made Sonny conclude that people would much rather talk about the late Benjamin Stone than about his son. 

Sonny could smell food from their favorite high end restaurant, which his husband picked up on his way home. He catches him setting the table and can’t help to smile, Rafael can always make him ease out. He goes up to him, embracing him on a hug and giving him several pecks. 

“Well, hello to my abogado,” Barba holds Sonny’s hips, “you look so handsome.” He gives out a lopsided grin, which he knows drives Sonny crazy with love. 

“Hi honey,” Sonny gives him a forehead kiss, his arms wrapped around his husband still, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to smell the delicious dinner, “I missed you,” he says, tiredness escaping his mouth. 

Rafael smiles, gives Carisi a quick kiss to the chin and pats his back, “let’s eat babe.”

“You went to Ben Stone’s funeral, right?” Sonny asks as soon as he sits down.

Rafael looks taken aback by the sudden question “I–” his phone starts ringing, he checks the caller ID, rolls his eyes and answers, “ADA O’Dwyer? How can I help you?” he says, using his most serious voice, he waits a few moments, then rises his eyebrows “And you had to call me specifically for a search warrant?” he bites his lips as the prosecutor on the other end of the line continues, “What’s your probable cause?” he pushes his eyebrows together in confusion as Kenneth O’Dwyer rambles on, “Really? A rookie detective had a hunch? Forgive me, ADA O’Dwyer but I believe in civil liberties, and we can’t just start a witch hunt because of a hunch. Next time you call me when I’m not in my chambers, make it worth my time.” he punches the red button on his screen. 

Sonny can’t help but stare at his husband in awe, he knows how he always wanted this for his life, and being by his side while he accomplishes his dream is everything Sonny could ever want. He always feels like kissing him after witnessing how he holds himself in court, where he looks bigger than life with his robes. 

“Did you ask me if I was in Ben Stone’s funeral?” Rafael says, turning off his phone. 

“Uh, yeah” Sonny says, snapping out of his daydream.

“I went, why?” He has a serious look in his face, “Is it pertinent to the case? You know I can’t get involved in any way, Sonny” a look of worry overcomes his face.

“No no no,” Sonny sighs, “It just seems like everyone would rather talk about him than about his son, y’know, even if he is accused of a crime, even his attorney mentioned his father during the arraignment, and the judge seemed to light up upon hearing that name,” Sonny shakes his head, “they held the same exact position.” 

Rafael shrugs, stabbing a mini tomato, “Nostalgia wins over anything I guess,”

“I guess,” Sonny lets his shoulders relax, remembering this is a date and he shouldn’t overwhelm his husband with work talk, instead, he decides to open up, knowing Rafael will understand, “I panicked a bit today when I got to the precinct,” he holds his husband’s free hand, “nibbled with my neck again,” he gives Rafael a soft, sad smile.

“Oh, cariño,” Rafa squeezes his hand, rubbing his thumb through the top of his hand, “did it bring back stuff? Do you think we should call Dr. Pembleton?” 

Sonny can’t help but smile, his husband always has a solution at hand, “I think if it happens again, yeah, but for now I think I’m good, no need to bother my psychiatrist,” he chuckles.

Rafael stares at him with his piercing green eyes, “Sonny, you know trauma isn’t something to be taken lightly,” 

“I know Rafi,” Sonny turns away, not because he’s ashamed, but because he hates remembering the pain, the fear, “but I can’t go to the psychiatrist everytime something’s wrong.” he holds out for his husband’s other hand “We knew this could happen. I wanted to come back to SVU as their ADA.”

Rafa nods, he kisses his husband’s hand before letting it go, as the food between them is getting cold. After some moments of silent eating, he breaks the silence “I know this won’t affect how you function in the case, Sonny, you’re really level headed and I’ve seen how you strut in court.” he looks at him lovingly “I’d hate to ever have gone against you in court.”

Sonny clutches his chest dramatically, “Babe, in this scenario one of us is a defense lawyer.” Rafael snorts. 

“Probably you,” he holds out the hand he is still holding and kisses it.

Sonny gasps in mock-offense, “I’ll call the Manhattan Supreme Court and tell them you’re practicing the law as a judge,” he sticks his tongue out, Rafael rolls his eyes as he laughs.

“How did I get so lucky to find my soulmate in a fellow lawyer?” Rafael says when they finis, breaking the snarky comments so characteristic of their relationship. 

Sonny can’t help but blush at the question, he remembers how he knew he would fall in love with Rafael as soon as he saw him enter the precinct for the first time, how he’d procrastinate by googling everything and anything about him. How he had blushed reading about him getting a defendant to choke him to win a case. After nearly getting lost in his own thoughts, he replies “We were meant to be.” he smiles. And he genuinely, truly believes it. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The next morning, Trevor Langan and Sonny Carisi enter Judge Barth’s chambers for a motion hearing requested by the defense.

“Your honor, I present a motion to dismiss the case.”

Sonny and the judge both scrunch their faces. 

“On what grounds?” Judge Barth says, placing her hands on the table.

“The whole case is just a ploy devised by SVU to dirty my client’s name.” Still seeing confusion on their faces, he continues, “It wouldn’t be the first time this happens. He replaced their beloved ADA, who happens to be this man’s” he points at Carisi “husband, and now he’s trying him, as a petty revenge for the defendant taking what they believed to be theirs. And how curious they accuse an ex SVU ADA of committing an assault as soon as their new ADA– an ex special victims detective, may I add– takes over the job.”

“Your honor, the defendant didn’t steal Rafael Barba’s job, he left to pursue judgeship, and Stone happened to be available.” Sonny says, Barth throws Langan a stern look, feeling her time is being wasted.

“Yes, but he was never as close to SVU as Judge Barba was, for all we know, they planted evidence on my client, this is just ridiculous.” He throws a dirty look at Carisi, “I bet he only got the position because of his husband.”

Sonny feels a pang over a personal accusation being thrown his way “Excuse me?”

Before Langan can respond, Judge Barth interjects “Mr. Langan do you have any evidence against the SVU detectives?” 

“No,” he says quietly, considers for a bit then says “but why is this case being handled by the sex police even? Just for revenge, I’d say.”

“The defendant attacked a minor, and she had signs of sexual abuse.” Carisi says.

“Because she’s a prostitute,” he drops photos of the victim in a corner 

Sonny didn’t know that, but he keeps his stance “Oh, and what was your client doing by that zone? Enjoying the landscape?”

“Enough, both of you,” judge Barth interrupts them, “motion to dismiss is denied, to my knowledge, Judge Barba isn’t involved whatsoever, Mr. Langan, you know better than to present unsustained arguments in a motion to dismiss. Find evidence and bring it to the courtroom. And Mr. Carisi,” she stares him down, “if I ever suspect you’re using your husband’s position to win a case, you’re done. Now leave my chambers, both of you.”

When they go out of the chambers, Langan grabs sonny’s arm “Don’t expect this to be easy just because you’re a judge’s boy toy, counselor.” He lets him go. 

Sonny can feel himself shaking with anger “I’m his husband,” he hisses out.

“Same thing” he starts to take off “see you in court.”

Sonny clenches his hand into a fist, feeling tears threatening to well up on his eyes. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

After the exchange, Sonny shakily takes out his phone and dials the only one who can make it better. 

“Rafi?” He says when his husband picks up “I’m on the verge,” a code Barba understood better than anyone and would know exactly what to do.

“Come to my chambers, I’ll make you feel better,” he says and hangs up, Sonny could tell he was kindly smiling as he said that. He rapidly heads towards them, on the other side of the courthouse. 

He gets to them, out of breath. 

“You were a cop, yet you can’t run from one chamber to another?” Rafa teases, he puts down the papers he was revising, “Now, what’s wrong baby?”

“The case is too stressful, and, and I don’t think I can do it, Raf, it means a lot to me and and,” he sighs, he doesn’t want to tell his husband they’re bringing their marriage into question as an intimidation tactic, “I don’t know what to do,”

“Come here, love,” Rafa says, Sonny sits on his lap and wraps his arms around him, hiding his face on the crook of his neck. It’s not a very comfortable position considering how tall he is and how short Barba is, but it makes him feel safe, so he stays there. Rafa strokes his hair softly, comfortably silent in the way only married couples can be. Sonny starts rubbing his nose side to side in Rafa’s neck, making him giggle, Rafa turns to see him, making Sonny exit his crook, and he kisses him softly. He smiles when the kiss ends, Sonny leans in again and kisses him deeply, and so they begin making out. Sonny grabs Rafa’s love handles, making Rafa pull away to smile and then come back to his husband’s mouth. 

They keep going, ignoring the world around them. Rafa pulls away and starts kissing Sonny’s neck, who grabs on to his man, letting pleasure take over him and feeling himself go hard. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Rafa, who asks him if there’s anything he wants, while lightly biting his neck.

“I wanna suck you off, your Honor,” Sonny says, with a sensual infliction on the last bit, Rafa was well aware that his status as Judge turned his husband on, and he liked to take full advantage of it.

“Well then, why aren’t you on your knees, counselor?” He says, his husband beams, complying.

“You sure you want it judge Barba?” Carisi says, ready to undo his husband’s pants. Rafael confirms, and Sonny takes off his belt, lets it hit the ground, snaps off the suspenders, unbuttons him and zips down his pants, “Have I ever told you I love how much work you make me do to suck you off?” He teases.

The other man rolls his eyes, “You make up for how little you do when I fuck you,” Barba says, half smirking, Sonny sticks his tongue at him as he pulls down Rafa’s pants, leaving only his boxers. He kisses the clearly erected bulge, causing Rafa to melt a little, “Cariño, please” he purrs. Sonny throws a smile at him and pulls his boxers down, letting his erection free.

“God, I love your cock,” Sonny says, and he begins by licking the head, letting it hit his cheeks as he moans into it. Barba lets Sonny take over; even if he’s dominant. Sonny is the most perfect cock sucker he knows, and needs no guidance at all, it’s better to leave him to it, as he indulges on the practice. 

Sonny gives some pumps to Rafael’s dick just to tease him, when he hears him grunt and moan, he starts sucking and licking at his balls, moaning into them to send vibrations through Rafael’s body, who’s muffling his ecstasy with low grunts and caressing Sonny’s hair. He switches to play with his balls using his hand, and takes his dick on his mouth, looking up to make sure his husband sees him suck him. Sonny loves the admiration he sees in his face whenever he has his dick on his mouth; knowing he’s the one who has brought his husband the largest amount of pleasure makes him extremely satisfied. Indeed, his husband is watching him intently, and so he begins to introduce his cock all the way down to his throat.

Sonny shouldn’t have a gag reflex, he’s been doing this since college, but he has noticed that Barba moans loudly whenever he makes a gagging sound, so he keeps on doing it. And as usual, when he loudly gags he draws a gasp from his husband, whose dick leaks some pre-cum. Carisi smiles at this reaction as he continues sucking his dick up and down, letting it hit his throat each and every single time. As he goes faster, he holds on to Barba’s armrests, and, thank God for Barba’s expensive taste, the chair can support him pushing all his weight into it.

“Mi cielo,” Barba says with difficulty, “I’m gonna cum,” he runs his fingers softly through Sonny’s hair. 

Sonny would love to get a facial, but given that they’re at the workplace, he can’t. So he gets his mouth off Rafa’s dick, and starts jerking his husband’s dick, pointing it towards his mouth. A huge load comes out and Carisi wraps the dick’s head on his mouth, licking off every last drop of semen. Rafael is out of breath from the orgasm, and Sonny smiles up at him as he swallows his cum. 

“Was that good?” He asks as he wipes his mouth with the paper tissues Barba keeps on his lower drawer for these occasions. 

“Perfect,” Rafa says, still in trance, “did it help with the stress honey?” He pulls his underwear and trousers up from his ankles and zips his flier.

“You help it take it all away, baby,” Sonny says, he gets up and gives his husband a peck, Rafa smiles, softly grabs Sonny’s chin, and gives him a deeper kiss, asking permission to enter his mouth with his tongue. That’s one of the things that makes Sonny go crazy about Rafa, even after a blowjob, he just wants to make out with his partner, and it had been like this since they started as friends with benefits when Barba was SVU’s ADA; he’s naturally a tender lover.

After a while, Rafael pulls away from the kiss, he smiles and puts back on his suspenders and belt.

“Sunshine boy,” he says as he picks back up his paperwork, “now that this is resolved, would you allow me to go back to work?” He throws him a loving look, to take some of the harshness off, “You should work on that case too, you know,” he immerses himself back into the papers, “shut the door when you get out, wouldya?” 

Another thing Sonny loves about Barba: how much he cares about his job. He gets out the office and with a new sense of purpose, heads to his office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Married husbands still are horny what can i say
> 
> Sorry if I'm writing Langan all wrong sdkjfjksdhf WHOOP. 
> 
> Anyways hope y'all enjoyed this bc it took me a long time to finish it up! I'll try to upload chapter 3 in the following week
> 
> My twitter is @adarafabarba 
> 
> Leave comments and kudos to push me to write faster pwease.


	3. Catch Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Background on their relationship, Amanda talks to Sonny about the case, and Rafael is vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler Chapter, didn't wanna include many law things here, but next one will be filled with them (+ the trial finally begins!)  
> Sorry for my uploading schedule, I get writing blocks for this story. I have the next chapter all outlined and it's gonna be fuuuun.

_5 years prior_

The first time Sonny realized Rafael cared about him was a year before they started actually dating.

He had been working for SVU for two months, and the ADA had only spared him a few thorough looks. He had actually shaven his mustache because it was all Barba looked at when he talked (though, in retrospective, perhaps he was looking at his lips). He was eager to be taken seriously by the counselor. 

He was working on paperwork for their latest solved case, when Barba appeared holding a garment bag. Sonny crossed his arms upon seeing him, ready to call for his attention, as per usual, “Rafael,” he cocked his eyebrow, “hot date tonight?”

Rafael scoffed, “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he pointed his head to the garment bag he was so expertly holding, “this is for you.”

To that, Sonny pushed his eyebrows together “What?” he hadn’t ordered any suit, he believed he was perfectly fine with his discount rack ones.

Rafael rolled his eyes “Carisi, I’m just doing you a favor,” he handed him the bag, which the detective reluctantly accepted “and myself as well,” Rafael added, a smirk on his face “it’s distracting to mentally dress you in better clothes when I’m in court.”

Sonny blushed, the prospect of the lawyer fixating on the way he dressed making him feel very self conscious, but also cared for, he licked his lips still holding eye contact with the other man.

“Are you just gonna stare or are you gonna open the bag?” Rafael said with a smirk.

Carisi snapped out of it, and carefully opened the bag. He found himself breathless as he saw a Giorgi Armani silk suit, he ran his hand through the fabric, his eyebrows up in surprise, he knew from browsing stores in 5th avenue that this was too expensive, “Rafael,” he said, almost in a whisper, “I can’t accept this” 

Rafael smirked “Carisi, don’t offend me,” he touches the suit lightly “I chose it specifically for you, consider it a… donation. For you to start dressing correctly.” he backed away from Carisi’s desk slowly, a smirk on his face, “Now, I’ll go talk to Olivia, take good care of that suit, sunshine,” Sonny felt his blush expand down to his chest, he bit his lips to suppress a smile, he heard the voice of Rafael peaking his head from Liv’s office “and for the love of God, combine it well.”

Still dumbfounded, Sonny closed the garment bag and carefully placed it in a coat hanger nearby. He wasn’t sure what to make of the ADA, but he knew his heart raced whenever he came nearby. Sonny knew he was dangerously close to falling for him. 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

_Present day_

Sonny closes the last button of his gray Armani silk suit, ready to head out for the day. Olivia had told him they had a breakthrough in the case, and he needed it before bringing this case in front of a jury. So Amanda was coming into his office today. He checks himself out in the mirror one last time before heading out of his room, to go do the usual arrangement with Rafael. 

“Sonny, por el amor a Dios, take off that tie,” 

Sonny couldn’t help but shrug and do as he was being told. Rafael really had the jurisdiction when it came to fashion choices between them. 

Rafael changes his pink tie with a elegant dark blue one, one he always told Sonny made his eyes pop. When he finishes tying it up, he gets on his tip toes and plants a kiss on his husband’s lips, “Que guapo”, Sonny smiles. Rafael proceeds to run a hand through Sonny’s hair, “I don’t think I’ve told you how sexy I find the fact you have grey hair. My own silver fox.” Sonny blushes, Rafael grabs him by the chin and kisses him again, “And he’s younger than me” 

Sonny rolls his eyes, letting himself be guided out of the apartment by his man. 

——————————

One Hogan Place is only a 6 minute walk from the courthouse. So Sonny decides to park closer to his husband’s workplace. He needs a walk to clear his head. He has a long day ahead of him. 

He lets the cold New York air to hit him and invade his lungs. His hands inside his dark tan overcoat. Correction, his husband’s overcoat. One of the few items he could actually steal from him without it looking ridiculous. 

He gets to his office, takes off his coat, and checks his Apple Watch. He turned on all alerts for Stone’s name, but Longan had kept a good job on keeping the whole thing on the low-key, advising Stone to talk to nobody. Yet, there had still been press during the arraignment, you didn’t get to commit a crime as an ex Manhattan ADA and go unnoticed. Sonny notices every single article mentions his father, an illustrious man. He makes the mental note to bring this up to the detectives, in hopes they can dig up something he missed. 

After a few hours of preparing for the trial, he hears a knock on his door.

“Come in” he says, closing his laptop.

“Hi, Sonny” Amanda says, getting in. 

“‘Manda,” Sonny smiles upon seeing the other blonde, “you look stunning. Glowing, even” Sonny kisses her cheek in greeting, then holds her hand, inviting her to twirl for him, which she does. A huge smile is plastered on his face upon seeing his friend. 

“Should Barba be jealous?” Amanda teases, Sonny holds his left hand up, showing off his ring. He does this whenever he has the chance. Amanda throws her head back and laughs, “Guess not,”

“So,” Sonny sits on his desk and invites Amanda to sit on the chair in front of him, “tell me what you got for me”

“Well,” she tilts her head, “so, the victim is still in a comma, so, there’s that.”

“Still a chance assault turns into murder,” Sonny presses his lips together and knocks on wood. “What else?”

“Well, there’s something… interesting” Amanda gets out her phone from her coat, types in the password, opens the photo app, and turns the screen to face Sonny. “See, this” she shows Sonny a picture of a brunette teenager with blue eyes, “is our victim” Sonny nods, not sure of what Amanda is about to say, “and this” she moves to the next photo in her gallery, “is Pamela Stone, Stone’s deceased sister,” the woman in the photo looks like an middle aged version of the victim. 

“Does the defense know this?” Sonny walks through his office. Amanda shrugs, “Christ,” he runs his hands through his hair, “I mean, did he hold feelings of resentment towards his sister?”

“Mostly about his father” 

“So I’ve heard,” Sonny says “a trigger?”

“Doubt it,” Amanda sighs, “I think this is grounds for motive”

“So, he assaulted her because she looks like his sister?” Sonny has a confused look on his face.

“Well, he went down a hole when she died” she licks her lips, “binge drinking, lots of rage… Hell, I think he even went and had sex with sex workers,” 

Sonny nods, “So you’re saying he had seen the girl before in a spot he frequented” Amanda nods, a sad look on her face, “and he was furious a teenager who looked so much like his sister would be in that line of work.”

“That’s it” Amanda says, biting her lower lip nervously.

“God, we’re supposed to protect people like her,” Sonny says, his accent coming out stronger with his anger, his hands flailing, as his face alone is unable to convey the anger he feels, “and he, a man of the law, does this?” 

“We do our best,”

Sonny shakes his head, “We need to do better, then,” 

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Sonny comes home exhausted, Rafael is still in his job. Sonny sometimes wonders if his husband misses his days as a prosecutor. He remembers how he’d peacock around the courtroom, drawing all of the attention into him. Sonny can remember first seeing him strut his way in a trial, unable to stop watching and clinging to his every word. From the first case he witnessed Rafael win, Sonny knew he wanted to marry the Cuban. 

He settles in the couch, not in the mood to watch anything. He takes out his phone and starts reading Law Review. He fears the case will get to him, the pressure of it being his first one weighing on him.

After an hour, Rafael opens the door to their house, leaves his briefcase by the door, and heads straight to the bedroom, going to get Sonny from the couch, grabbing his hand and guiding him to their bed. Sonny knows this attitude too well. Whatever he wanted to say can wait. Being a judge isn’t easy, and somedays all his husband wants is to lay his head down on Sonny’s chest and have his hair played with. Sonny’s already on his pajamas, Rafael changes quickly into them while Sonny gets under the covers, no words needed between them. Rafael then buries his face on Sonny’s chest and soft sobs escape him. 

Sonny didn’t get to know Rafael’s vulnerable side until they had been dating for 6 months. It wasn’t even a conscious confession of vulnerability, he had just caught Rafael crying when he got to his house with take out wishing to surprise him. 

As their relationship developed, Rafael started opening up more and more. He confessed he loved really strongly, which Sonny was aware of ever since Rafael gifted him that goddamn suit, but that was not the full extent of it: Rafael said his feelings were used against him by people he trusted. He used to be easy to manipulate, before he built walls. But Sonny had been able to break those walls down. But even then, Sonny knows sometimes all he needs to do to make Rafael feel better is hold him and not ask what prompted a cry, since Rafael never wants to talk about that part. 

Sonny rocks his husband, holding him in his arms, “It’s okay” he kisses the top of his head “I’m here,” Rafael continues sobbing lightly on his chest, Sonny feels the dampness reaching his skin, but he couldn’t care less. He just wants for his husband to be okay, because it hurt so much to see him sad. 

“It-It’s all… my fault” Rafael says between sobs, Sonny bites his lips, fearing a case went wrong and Rafael blames himself. 

“Baby, you know the jurisdiction falls on citizens, not on the judge and you can’t blame yourself for a case...”

Rafael scoffs, his husband always ready to jump into reciting the constitution, “No, not about work” he nuzzles into his husband’s chest, tears escaping his eyes, he sighs “it’s my abuela’s anniversary”

Sonny frowns, Rafael had only mentioned his grandma’s passing a few times. He tries to recollect every fact he knows, and he can’t tell why his husband would say his grandma’s death is his fault. He stays quiet, allowing Rafael to continue.

“Cubanos... we don’t really leave our elderly in houses...” Sonny nods, same goes for italians, “But I... I thought... she was...” he sighs and wipes his tears off with the back of his hand, “my grandma lived in the same building she got when she came from Cuba. She said... she said she wanted to die there, Sonny. I... I wanted to move her, too many stairs... I was scared... Dios santo, it’s been 5 years and I can’t let it go.” he shakes his head 

“Wait... Rafi, I was in your life back then,” he nudges him “you could’ve come for me, for comfort at the very least,” Sonny lowers his voice “I would’ve listened”

“I know that now, Sonny,” Rafael says, “but back then? You were a pipe dream, and I don’t know what I needed, but I didn’t need an unattainable man comforting me” Sonny joins their hands together.

“Rafi,” Sonny says “she didn’t die because of you. You can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.” 

“She called me “el juez”, she always believed in me... More than my mother ever did.” Rafael lets big sobs escape him, and Sonny feels his heart breaking with each of them. He just holds his husband tighter, whispering sweet things to his ear, feeling they are the only people in the world. 

In a way, sometimes it is like that. Rafael was the only person Sonny didn’t dread seeing while he was in the hospital— that’s how he knew he was in love with him. And Sonny was the only person Rafael ever cried in front of, the only person he could absolutely confide in. Sonny couldn’t be happier about his marriage. Even when stuff got hard, even when they fought, he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Rafael is his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos really light a fire under my ass to continue updating, lol. 
> 
> Lemme know how you're liking this story! I'm honestly super emo about them.
> 
> Twitter: @adarafabarba


	4. Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domesticity, flashback to how Sonny nearly died, law stuff, and more!
> 
> TW for near death and general panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really proud of this chapter, I hope you enjoy it! Getting my neck slashed is literally my biggest fear, so I tried to convey the absolute fear here. Hope it's good.

“Okay but,” Sonny says, amidst introducing a handful of M&M’s to his mouth, while laying on his husband’s lap, “Liv is like, totally the Leslie Knope of NYPD.”

Rafael stops playing with Sonny’s undone hair and laughs. It’s rare that they get the chance to both have the day off ever since Sonny got back to working full hours, so whenever they have the chance, they much rather prefer staying in and binge watching a TV show, now watching Parks and Recreation. 

Rafael likes how familiar everything feels with Sonny. Whenever he kisses him, he feels they’ve done that in another life. Whenever they make love, he knows they were made for each other. Rafael had never been a romantic before Sonny; never believed in soulmates. But when Sonny first flashed those deep dimples his way, he knew he was screwed. He plants a kiss on his forehead, feeling grateful as ever that he gets to call this man his husband. 

“Te amo,” he whispers, Sonny smiles, comfortable on his husbands lap. 

The phone rings, interrupting them. Rafael audibly groans, “Don’t answer that,” he says, just as his ever polite partner is sliding across the screen to pick up. Rafael grabs the control remote and pauses, Rob Lowe’s face frozen in the screen. Nothing to complain about. 

“Langan, this better be good” Sonny says, manners going out the window, Rafael sees him react to whatever the defense lawyer says through the phone, “why didn’t you just call my secretary Lauren to check my schedule?” Sonny presses his lips to the answer, “Oh, you’re that important, okay” he rolls his eyes, Rafael smiles lightly at the habit he passed to his husband, “Alright, but you better be paying, nice day” he hangs up. 

“What did he want?” Rafael says, Sonny leaving his lap to sit down and write on his phone.

“Dinner, to talk,” Sonny says, he locks his phone and puts it aside, facing his man, “hope he wants to take a plea, he should know this is too easy”

Rafael smiles at his husbands confidence, he finds it sexy when he’s like this, pulls Sonny closer to him and kisses him deeply, letting him be on top of him as they start making out on their couch. It seems like something silly now that they’re married, but no feeling beats tangling his legs with Sonny as they’re immersed on showing their devotion to each other, their passion. Sonny runs his hands through Rafael’s hair before he pulls away for air. He smiles and puts his forehead against Rafael’s.

“What was that about?” Sonny whisper asks. 

“You’re too sexy,” Rafael shrugs “can’t help it when I wanna kiss you.” 

Sonny giggles and lays on Rafael’s chest, his legs on the edge of the sofa. 

“Ti amo,” Sonny kisses Rafael’s jaw, falling asleep on his chest soon after. 

———————

“Langan,” Sonny takes off his scarf as he enters the fancy restaurant.

“Carisi,” Langan stretches his hand, Sonny maintains an unreadable look through the handshake, not wanting to reveal his comments affected him. 

They sit down, both scan the menu in silence, and order. Only when the food arrives do they stop the small talk, “Now, Langan,” Sonny carefully lays his utensils in the table, “I know you didn’t invite me here to discuss the Islanders latest tactics, so tell me what you need and get it over with,”

“I just felt the need to apologize for my crude comments about your marriage”

Sonny rolls his eyes, “What? You caught a case my husband is judging and you don’t want me to put a bad word in for you? Langan, I’m a professional. I don’t play theatrics”

“You are a prosecutor,” Langan says, cutting his food, “of course you play theatrics.”

Sonny snorts, “Defense lawyers really think they got the higher ground, huh?” 

Langan shrugs, “I defended your former boss more than once, doesn’t that earn me some points in your books?”

Sonny stares at him, a unfazed look on his face, “Not when I’m on a case against you, no. Now,” he stabs a baby tomato with his fork “what else do you want from me?”

“Nothing,” Longan puts his hands up defensively, “just wanted to make peace before the trial begins.”

“Don’t waste my time. You know I have more cases than this, right?” Sonny asks, his blue eyes looking intensely at Langan, 

“So do I, counselor” Langan says, and Sonny recalls his silver tongue working in court. He nearly smiles at the thought of destroying that confidence when the trial begins. 

“Then you understand I can’t give special treatment just because your client had my position.” 

The waiter comes, Langan hands him his credit card, without breaking eye contact with Sonny.

After the waiter gives Langan’s card back, Sonny gently places the cloth napkin on the desk and shoots the question that’s been on his mind for weeks now. 

“Why are you representing a prosecutor?”

“He... He did a lot of favors for us”

sonny narrows his eyes “Counselor, do i have to charge you with conspirancy?

Langan straightens up and lifts up his chin defiantly, “I resent your implication, ADA Carisi”

“Well,” Carisi puts on his overcoat, “so did I. See you in court.” he heads out, head up high, and can’t help but let a cocky smile spread on his face. 

———————————

“How was it?” Rafael asks, closing the book he was reading.

Sonny sighs loudly as a reply, which Rafael understands perfectly, he takes off his coat and suit jacket, and undoes his tie. He falls into the couch face down. Rafael sits on the space left and rubs Sonny’s back. 

“Why don’t you tell me about this guy while we lay in bed, primor?” 

At the sweet pet name in Spanish, Sonny smiles and complies, and moments later, he’s shirtless laying down wrapped on his husband’s arms, telling him about dinner with Langan and hearing his heartbeat.

They fall asleep at the same time.

———————————

Sonny wakes up from the recurring nightmare. Drowning. Dr. Pembleton, his therapist says he developed the phobia of losing oxygen after his near death. Sonny concurs, as he can’t even wear his ties tightened all the way, and sexual choking didn’t even need to be discussed for Rafael to understand. 

He grabs his phone. 

3:48 am 

He sees his husband peacefully breathing next to him, his chest expanding up and down. He likes staring at him, exploring his features and every single detail of his being. He can’t believe he married such a wonderful, handsome man. He spots the beginnings of stubble he’ll have to shave in the morning. Sonny was able to see the blissful sight of Rafael unshaven on their honeymoon. And just thinking of the feel of his facial hair against his thighs makes him shiver. 

He thinks back on how they got here, as he unconsciously fidgets with his ring (he never takes it off, keeps him grounded) and runs his hand through his neck scar. 

——————————

3 years prior

It was all done by the book. Sonny and Fin were in a stake out. They had received a tip about a cop gone bad, abusing his wife. They had been parked outside his building for a while. Sonny had told Fin about how his plans to buy a ring for Rafael. Fin had told him it was crazy. They had only been dating for a year. Sonny was about to tell him that they had been involved for a year and a half. But just then, the suspect exits his building. And Sonny makes the foolish mistake of thinking the arrest will be too perfect. He’s carrying an unconscious body, and he’s covered in blood. 

“I got this” Sonny says, getting out of the vehicle and heading towards the clearly disturbed perp, “Hey,” he says, his gun out and pointed towards him, the safety still on. The ex cop stares at him “Drop the body, is she dead?” Sonny feels so secure behind his gun. Another beginners mistake. 

The perp carefully lays the body on the ground. Carisi uses his free hand to call for a bus, he approaches the suspect, who has his hands up, he frisks him, and just when he’s done cuffing him, he turns his head towards Sonny, and before Sonny can react, he goes straight for the neck. A razor blade on his mouth. Sonny pulls away before he can get to the jugular, and Fin comes to tackle the guy.

Sonny presses his neck. Copious amounts of blood coming out. He hears Fin call for a second bus. He’s terrified. He’s in shock, he can’t talk. He thinks of his sisters, of his nieces, of Rafael, of so many things he hasn’t done. He knew. He knew the risks that came with the job. But it doesn’t make dying any less terrifying. He’s on the floor, his suit ruined by blood. He’s gasping for air, he’s praying, no, he’s pleading; _please God, please don’t let this be my end, I’ll go to church, I’ll go to confession every week, just please, please let me live._

His vision blurries and he passes out, putting his soul at the Lord’s mercy, he feels Fin slapping his face, trying to wake him up, he opens his eyes slightly. He can faintly hear Fin say he’s not gonna die, he can’t die, and he can’t tell, but maybe Fin says something about Barba. 

Next thing he remembers is waking up on an ER bed, a sharp pain on his neck, he runs his hand through the dressing, and he panics at the sensation of feeling blood pumping out of his neck on his hands. He closes his eyes, trying to suppress it. He’s alive. He’s okay. He feels like crying. He feels like screaming. But it hurts too much. 

A nurse comes in “Mr. Carisi? Oh, you woke up.” he looks at her, unable to answer. “Someone is here to see you, he says he’s your lawyer” the confusion on the nurse’s face is evident, and a flash of doubt must’ve shown on Sonny’s face, because she frowns, “He was just really adamant on seeing you”

Sonny motions with his hand to let him in. And his suspicions turn out correct, when the Cuban lawyer enters his room frantic, his eyes red. Sonny can’t help but form a small smile as he sees him. And he can’t believe it. His boyfriend, the unbreakable, ruthless prosecutor, was nervous— not just that, he had been crying, a lot. He had seen him crying by accident once, but this was different. This time Rafael was letting himself be seen as vulnerable. 

“Sonny, mi amor,” his voice is raw, had he been screaming? “María santísima.” he stands next to his hospital bed, his eyes fixed on the bandages.

Sonny looks at him, unable to speak, “Will you… did he take away your voice?” Sonny manages an ever so small shrug. He closes his eyes. He wants it all to be a bad dream. He wants to open his eyes and be back at the stake out. Or his bed. Anywhere. But he does and Rafael is still in front of him. He feels tears welling up. 

“Hey,” Rafael holds his hand “uh...” Sonny knows he’s not good in times of crisis, he was there to see his breakdown firsthand when Rudnick left Manhattan. He doesn’t expect him to fix anything. But he knows he’ll try. Because that’s Rafael. 

And that’s when he blurts it. 

“Do you wanna marry me?”

If Sonny could’ve turned his head fully towards Rafael, he would have. Instead he just widens his eyes and stares at him. He knows he’s serious. He’s not teasing. Sonny hopes the question shows on his face. 

“I mean,” Rafael shakes his head, and licks his lips, he fumbles on his suit jacket for something, “not right now, of course” he takes out his lucky pen, the one he uses all the time. “But here,” he offers it to Sonny, he lightly takes it, and once again stares at Rafael. “I don’t... I don’t have a ring, but this... this is a symbol of my love.” he gives Sonny a weak smile, grabbing one of his hands. “I love you, Dominick Carisi Jr. and I truly believe we could be husbands together,” he kisses his hand, “okay?”

Sonny feels a tear drop on his pillow, he smiles as wide as he can, if he could, he’d kiss Rafael. Hell, he’d probably do a lot more. He holds the pen tightly on his hand. He frees his hand from Rafael’s grip, and runs it through the soon-to-be-judge’s beautiful face. If it wasn’t for the pain, he’d stay here for forever. 

“Tell you what,” Rafael grabs his hand with both of his, and places a firm kiss on it, giving little rubs with his thumbs “I’ll buy you a stunning engagement ring as soon as you get out of here. And I’ll formally propose. You can even act like you had no idea it was coming. Show it off on your Instagram and everything.” Rafael has tears on the corners of his eyes, and Sonny feels the urge to wipe them off with kisses. But he can’t move without bolts of pain on his neck. He just mouths “I love you” and Rafael lets his tears fall. 

—————————————

Sonny fidgets with his wedding ring while he waits for the trial to begin. He knows he needs to be clear headed, but there’s so much at stake, and his husband not being able to sit in the gallery, supporting him, only adds on to the stress. 

He stands up from his office, ready to walk to the courtroom. He stares at his framed picture from their wedding. It’s a gorgeous picture of them chuckling at something to each other while sat on the main table, Rafael staring at him with something that can only be described as absolute bliss. Sonny loves how even surrounded by people, Rafael isn’t ashamed to show how in love he is with him. 

He grabs his overcoat and walks out. 

—————————

Trial, Part 14

Peter Stone looks like a shell of a person. Sonny doesn’t remember him like this. But he has one goal on his mind, and it is to get the right conviction. One that’ll be just for the victim and teaches Stone a lesson. He has all his evidence ready to present. He still doesn’t know if Langan knows the full extent of Stone’s shenanigans, but he assumes Stone wouldn’t be dumb enough to lie to the only person who can keep him out of prison. 

Sonny has already presented the strongest evidence; the injuries the girl sustained, and the report on her progress and the looming risk of her becoming brain dead or dying. Whereas Langan maintained that Stone didn’t know what he was doing, and painted him as the good guy in a crime where the victim is a prostitute. Sonny can’t read on the jury’s expressions if they buy this. 

Sonny sighs, he puts the tips of his fingers on the desk and stands up, a movement he learned from Rafael. Copying his husband’s steps feels comforting and familiar. So it is what he does. 

“Officer Keller,” he’s about to present information that could change everything, so he makes sure every single last of his words is heard, “you’re a patrol officer, and you patrol Roosevelt Avenue, correct?”

The awkward rookie leans into the microphone, Sonny knows it’s his first time testifying, and even with all the prep, it shows, “Yes,” Sonny sees him twitch. He hopes the jury understands its an understandable reaction to being questioned in that side of the stand. Sonny was all too familiar, having done it countless times as a detective.

“Was Peter Stone there often?”

“Objection, my client being there isn’t incriminating,”

“Withdrawn” Sonny says, he’s now in front of his table, his arms supporting him, “Had you ever spotted the defendant on the street before the night of the incident?”

“Yes,” he says, “uh- he would– he would lurk and watch the girls,” he scratches the back of his neck, “never interacted with them, just stared, uh, specially stared at the girl... the injured one”

Sonny nods, an intense look on his blue eyes, “And you made the arrest upon seeing him assault Amelia?” the officer nods, “let the record show the witness is confirming Mr. Carisi’s statement,” Judge Barth says. 

“Nothing further,” Sonny says, and he returns to his seat. He feels confident, good, but he touches his scar anyways. Nothing can make him forget what he’s been through.

——————-

After the trial is done for the day, Carisi sits on his office, preparing for another one of his cases. A knock on his door startles him. 

“Sonny,” Amanda says when she opens the door, “sorry if I scared you,”

“It’s fine,” he says, instinctively rubbing his scar, he gives Amanda a smile, “ever since...” he shows the scar further, “I’m not good with any sudden movements,” he stands and gives Amanda a hug, “part of the reason I left the cop life.” 

“Well,” Amanda exhales dramatically, “care to join me for a drink? Like old times” she smiles at him.”

“Can’t tonight,” Sonny says, “we’re having dinner with Carmen,”

“Carmen,” Amanda repeats, she tilts her head, and asks a question she’s been wondering of for a while, “do you think she ever heard you two... y’know... in Barba’s office?”

Sonny scoffs, “Trust me. We make up for it taking her to the most expensive places she wants to visit. She’s heaven sent. Rafael wrote her recommendation letters for her paralegal position.” Sonny says, his cheeks red with blush, “Wait, you knew about that?”

“I had a hunch,” Sonny urges her to continue, “I bet with Liv; you just scored me fifty bucks”

Sonny rolls his eyes, and Amanda can’t help but see how much Rafael has rubbed off on him. 

———————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing the flashback... Lemme know how you felt reading it! I'll try to update soon. I love this AU so much and don't wanna finish this story aaaaah.
> 
> Twitter: @adarafabarba
> 
> Subscribe to get my updates on my other fics as well! This is currently my only multichapter atm, but I'm working on new ones too. 
> 
> Also sorry for the lack of trial stuff, but I'm an art student yee haw, and I established this would mostly be about Barisi, not the case. You'll know more about it in the next chapters, though!


	5. Honorary Rafael Barba

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael centric chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for irregular posting, shit's crazy whoop.
> 
> In case anyone is confused bc I was for a bit: rafael and sonny were fwb for 6 months, dated for a year before rafael proposed with his pen (he then waited 3 months to formally propose, and they got married 2 years into officially dating, so 9 months of wedding planning) and in the current day it’s been 2 years since their wedding. yeehaw.

_4 1/2 years earlier._

The first time they had sex, neither of them had been planning on it. 

It had been a long day, Rafael is sitting on his desk, his suspenders down, his tie hanging on his shoulders, and his sleeves rolled up. He’s pressing his temples, feeling the threat of a migraine looming. A knock interrupts his breathing exercises. 

“Come in,” he says, overdoing a bored tone, “oh, Carisi, fancy seeing you,” he checks his outfit up, he’s wearing the suit he got him. _Much better._ he thinks, it shows off his long self, while cinching at all the right places. Rafael is pleased with himself, so he unashamedly stares at Carisi, who fakes a cough. 

Rafael now looks into his eyes, “Good evening, counselor,” Carisi says, beaming, Rafael could swear this man has the fucking sun inside him with how bright he shines whenever he enters a room, “the Lieu said I should drop this by before heading home.”

Rafael tilts his head, “No night school tonight?”

Carisi shakes his head, “Nah,” he makes a hand gesture, _Italians_ Barba thinks, “it’s finals” 

Rafael nods, “Would you care for a night cap then?” he heads to his liquor cabinet, “Know I needed one on those weeks,”

Carisi smirks and nods, taking off his suit jacket, making himself comfortable. Having known the detective for six months, Rafael is nearly certain he’s never had high end scotch, and is more of a beer from a tap person, but he also knows he’ll do anything to please him, so he serves him the same amount he’ll take. Carisi knows he can always back out, no matter what. Due to their line of work, consent in every aspect of their lives is crucial for both men, and Rafael finds peace on that. Too many people on his life didn’t understand the basic principles of respecting him as a person, but with Carisi, respect is required, and... there’s more than that. There’s admiration. And Rafael finds himself drawn to that kind of attention. 

They exchange small talk, which moves to the topic of Carisi’s family, and Rafael learns there’s a lot of them. _Italians,_ he thinks again, at the risk of redundancy. He listens with ease at Sonny’s rundown of the latest get together, letting the pleasant feeling of scotch settle in, but then...

“What about you, Barba?” Carisi asks, Rafael stares at him at this, a bit taken a back, “How’s your family like?”

Rafael takes a sharp breath. Not sure of how much to reveal. He’s built walls up. After his father, he knows to not let people in easily. He learned from a young age some people are inherently evil.

But.

Dominick Carisi isn’t one of those people. 

He exhales, letting the accumulated tension from his first reaction to the question go, “My father is dead and I’m at peace with that,” Carisi’s face remains curious, not asking questions about why, but allowing him to continue, “he was a monster, and I’m glad he’s dead.” Carisi only nods, “He hurt my mother, he hurt me, and now he rots in hell,” his voice breaks at this last word, anger threatening to overtake him, but then Rafael feels Carisi’s hand on top of his, and he notices he’s been curling his hand into a fist hard enough to leave his skin white, Carisi uncurls the fist. And Rafael feels cared for, and he’s confused. So confused someone would care enough to not let him hurt himself. He stops staring at Carisi’s hands, and stares at him. His eyes look so caring, so soft, and Rafael can’t help but panic, “The rest of my family is in Cuba,” he blurts out. Carisi gives him a soft smile, and he rubs fingers on his palm. Rafael can hear his own sped up breathing, and he can feel the weight of Carisi’s stare on him. 

Carisi sweetly runs a finger through Rafael’s cheek. Rafael reacts by leaning to the touch. And Carisi smiles. 

“Detective,” Rafael says, he intertwines his fingers with his, which seems to surprise Carisi. 

They are both confident and bold. And Rafael wonders how far this can go. He knows Carisi is catholic, but he has also felt his eyes checking his ass whenever he leaves a room. And he’s done his fair share of staring, too. They stay looking at each other for a few moments. Rafael wonders who will make the first move. He aches to, but he’s terrified of scaring Carisi off. He hopes this doesn’t show on his face. 

“You deserve the best, Rafael,” Carisi says. _Rafael,_ there’s a certain intimacy on using someone’s first name, and Carisi shows he knows this with the ease with which he mutters his name. Rafael lightly opens his mouth, wanting to say a comeback, anything, aching to defuse the moment. But he doesn’t. And it’s not because he can’t think of anything, but because he can think of a thousand things to say, yet he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. He sees the way Carisi’s eyes move to his mouth. Unashamed, as everything Carisi does. _No,_ he thinks to himself _there’s no way this man is ashamed of any aspect of himself._

“Kiss me,” Rafael says, and he surprises himself when it doesn’t come out as an order, but as a plea. 

Carisi smirks, surprise invading his face. And he closes the space between them. Placing his free hand on Rafael’s face. It’s very chaste, very nice. It lasts a couple of seconds, until Carisi pulls away, “Okay?” he asks Rafael, staring into his eyes.

Rafael nods, “Never better,” and he dives in for another kiss, but it’s different, hungrier from the beginning, as if the first had just been a test run. 

It’s way less shy when Carisi begs for entrance to his mouth, Rafael lets him in, indulging on his taste, and Carisi dares explore Rafael’s body this time around, his touch desperate. Rafael thinks he’s probably wanted this for a while now, and he can’t help but smirk into the kiss, prompting a noise from Carisi. Rafael too uses his hands to explore the long body of the Staten Island detective. Carisi pushes him down on the sofa, so he’s on top of him. Rafael complies, letting himself get lost on Sonny Carisi. 

They ignore the world around them until their lips are kiss bruised. Then simply kissing turns to not be enough. 

“Do you,” Carisi starts, his voice hoarse, he clears up his throat, “Do you wanna get out of here?”

Rafael rolls his eyes at the juvenile expression, “Does that line seriously work on the ladies?” 

Carisi scoffs, “You just made out with me for,” he checks his phone, “an hour, do you wanna go further or not?”

Rafael considers, biting his lower lip, he takes in full view of the younger man above him, “Yes,” he finally says, “yes, I do,”

Carisi beams, and Rafael can’t help but smile, “My car is parked two blocks from here,” Carisi says, standing up and grabbing his jacket, “we can walk, or” he considers his next words carefully, “I can drive to here and pick you up,”

Rafael once again rolls his eyes, “I can walk Carisi, thank you very much,”

“Sonny,” Carisi says, matter-of-factly, “we’re about to know each other biblically, so, call me Sonny,”

Rafael stares at him, “Did you seriously just say ‘know each other biblically?’”

Sonny shrugs, goes out the door, and Rafael follows him. 

The rest of the night goes blissfully, and they have lots like it for the next 6 months. Sometimes in Rafael’s place, sometimes in Sonny’s, and in certain days where desire overtook their judgements, in Rafael’s office. 

—————————

If Rafael had heard 5 years ago that he’d get married and spend his nights watching reality TV with a tall ex-cop wrapped around his arms, he’d have laughed. Yet, there he is. 

His husband sleeps peacefully wrapped around his arms. He could guide him to bed and just cuddle, but he’s so beautiful like this, and he’s too invested on this episode of Queer Eye.

His job is demanding, attorneys coming to him with different motions and asking for warrants based on nothing. He’s just establishing his reputation as a judge, as there’s many others who’ve been doing this for way longer than him. He knows to be strict and not accept any bullshit. Which means he’d have hated the type of attorney he was not long ago. He’s at peace of that. 

His life is great, he has the love of his life for a husband, he’s thriving professionally, and he’s finally found a point where he can coexist with his mother without feeling like a failure. 

He doesn’t believe in God, but he does believe that a larger force put Sonny on his life. An optimistic detective with ill fitting suits and a squirrel for a mustache, turned into his husband years later. Caray. 

He ponders on this as he continues watching the show. When the episode is nearly over, Sonny wakes up, he watches the ending with Rafael. 

“That was really nice,” Sonny says, Rafael just hums in response, holding Sonny closer to him. 

Then his phone rings.

As a judge, he can’t deem any call as unimportant, so he unwraps his arms from Sonny and stretches himself to the bureau. Despite his efforts, Sonny stretches his hand and passes it to him. Rafael throws him a look, but he answers the phone, without checking who it is.

“Hello?” he asks.

“Rafael,” the voice in the other end says. _His mother,_ he sighs. 

“Hola mami,” upon the language switching, Sonny throws his head back on the headrest, he doesn’t feel like making an effort to understand their fast Spanish.

“Hola mijo,” she’s pacing, he can tell, it either means she’s nervous, or his about to have his ass handed to him, judge or not, she’s still his mother, “¿dónde andabas? ¿por qué no me has llamado?”

Rafael sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Mami, tengo mucha responsabilidad y—“

“Ah, y ¿yo no formó parte de ella?” Lucía replies, “Que estoy pintada en la pared, ¿o qué?” 

“Mami, sabes que no es eso...”

“Pudiste casarte al año de volverte juez,” Rafael rolls his eyes, “¿asumo que puedes salir a cenar conmigo con tres años de antigüedad?”

Rafael considers, he’s willing to bargain on his favor, “¿Puedo traer a mi _esposo_ o sigues sin aceptarlo?”

Lucia scoffs, “Siempre lo he aceptado,”

“Mami, lloraste toda la boda,” Rafael replies, he’s not letting her win this one, Sonny is now paying attention, having understood they’re talking about him. 

Lucia stays quiet for a moment, “Va, que venga el chamaco,”

Rafael rises his brow at the expression, “‘¿Chamaco?’ ¿Qué? ¿Sigues tu club de libros con las mexicanas?”

“Soy tu madre y me respetas,” Lucia says, but Rafael can tell she’s smiling, “nos vemos el sábado por la noche” Rafael’s matriarch has never been one to take orders or suggestions, so Rafael knows to clear up his (and Sonny’s) schedules for this. He can’t believe he somehow managed to convince her to let Sonny come along. “Te quiero, papi, cuídate.”

“Igual te quiero, mami. Chau.” he hangs up his phone and lets out a sigh of relief. Sonny stares at him as a question.

“My dear husband,” he wraps him back around his arms, “we’re going to dinner with my mother,”

Sonny pushes his eyebrows together, skepticism invading his face, “Did she invite _me_ for dinner?” he asks. 

“What?” Rafael asks, hugging him closer, “You’re my husband and I am her only son, after all,” Sonny stares at him, “fine, I convinced her,”

“Oh wow, remind me again, where did you study? Stanford? Did they teach you that there?” 

Rafael playfully slaps his arm as Sonny giggles, Rafael rests his head on Sonnys backbone, “Keep that charm for Lucía” 

—————————

“Raf, I’m an adult,” Sonny swats his husband’s hands off his tie, “I know how to tie my own tie,”

“First of all,” Rafael says, placing Sonny’s hands away and getting back to redoing his tie, “this is my tie, and second, no you don’t,” he concentrates on it, “that’s one of the reasons I fell for you,”

Sonny rolls his eyes, “You really expect me to believe you fell for my lack of couture?”

“Nah, the potential of how well you could look was just really attractive,” Rafael finishes knotting the tie and steps back to admire it, “and I wasn’t wrong,” he licks his lips, Sonny knows he can’t resist Rafael’s hungry eyes on him, ever, so he rushes him to the door.

“We are having dinner with your mother,” Sonny says, pushing him to the door with his hand on his lower back, “for the first time since we got engaged we’re going to a _restaurant_ with your mother,” Rafael tilts his head, puppy green eyes still pleading, “and we are _not_ gonna smell like sex for that,” he opens the door, gets the car keys, and Rafael exits whining. Sonny can’t help but smile.

———————

“So you have the position Rafi had when you first met,” Lucía says, not wasting a minute when the waiter sits them down, Rafael instinctively puts his hand on top of Sonny’s. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Sonny says solemnly, “it’s a dream come true,”

“I’m going to go ahead and guess this means you two are never having kids, then,”

Rafael rolls his eyes, “Mami, I’ve told you,” he stares at her wide eyed, “neither of us wants kids,”

Sonny nods in agreement, “We discussed it pretty early on our relationship, Mrs. Barba,”

“Anything to do with...” she makes a slicing motion with her finger across her neck, Sonny blinks repeatedly, waiting for Rafael to answer. They hadn’t even ordered and she was already going _there_. 

“¡Mami!” Rafael says, she makes a face as if saying sorry, “We had the conversation even before that, I promise you,” he picks up his menu, “Now, can we have a nice dinner?” he asks, looking specifically at her, Sonny rubbing his scar as a reflex, “You have to live with the fact your son is a queer judge, mami” 

She shrugs, “I’m just saying, there’s a lot of kids waiting to be adopted in the foster care system,” 

“Mrs. Barba,” Sonny says, she turns to look at him, “we just don’t see our lives heading that way,”

With that, Lucía reads her menu, and the rest of the dinner goes smoothly, and by the end of it, Rafael can almost say it was a success. 

————————

Rafael can’t sit in the gallery to watch Sonny’s first SVU trial. It wouldn’t be right for him to do that as a judge. But he reads all the updates as soon as he gets it, and he loves hearing Sonny talk about the strategies he used. And he’s ever so the flatterer, that he still tries to win him over by telling him he learned that technique from him. It’s a great ego boost, and adorable. 

When he enters Part 24 and sees his husband sitting on the gallery, a smile invades him. The case he’s about to judge isn’t particularly exciting or worth noting. So he knows his husband is there for him. He rises as “All rise for Honorary Rafael Barba” is said, and he winks at his husband. The defense lawyer is some fancy private (probably expensive) attorney from some newly established firm, and the prosecutor is an old face. They begin with opening statements, and Rafael calls for the first witness to come. He really doesn’t like when the attorneys bring him nonsense. Which is ironic, since he brought plenty of nonsense to the courtroom on his days as a prosecutor. 

The case seemed to be difficult, as all homicides without a body were. The jury seemed to be confused already. Rafael knows cases like this. A murder case without a body is a hard case to make. So he expects some nonsense to go on today. 

The last person to see the victim is called by The People, and she swears on the Bible (something Rafael disagrees with, but can’t change), and begins her testimony, “She didn’t want to go out that night, but I made her do it...” she continues on, naming the defendant as the person she left with. Rafael thought it was odd to have made the arrest without even a body to prove the victim was in fact dead. But as usual, he just had to listen and judge. There are no objections from the defense attorney, and the people let the testimony speak for itself.

“Defense,” Rafael says, his voice clear and strong. He really, really hopes they don’t try any theatrics. But he doesn’t have high hopes for it. 

“So your only proof is that my client left with your friend?” the girl wants to contradict this, but it was true. Rafael could basically see the jury decided on the verdict. It was just such an easy loss for the prosecution. It reminds him of the opposite, when an easy case came their way when a man decided to pull the plug on a brain dead infant, without having any relation to him. Just doing it because he believed it was the right thing to do. The man had gone to prison, mostly because he had an incompetent lawyer. Rafael believed with the right one, he’d have been declared not guilty. 

After the defense lawyer leaves the girl crying on the stand, the district attorney calls for a recess.

“We’ll resume tomorrow 11 am, court adjourned,” and hits the gavel. He then is approached by both attorneys, and presses his palms into his temples, feeling a migraine coming. 

“Is it urgent, counselors?”

“I want the charges dropped,” the defense lawyer says.

“Couldn’t you discuss this before bringing this case to my courtroom?” he asks, clearly annoyed, “You’re both dismissed, see you tomorrow, be professionals” he rolls his eyes and rests his head on the cold wood. 

When he looks at the courtroom again, his husband is still by the gallery. He smiles, “Excellent, right?” Sonny shrugs smiling, memories of their own murder without a body cases coming to him, “Meet you at my chambers, counselor,” to this Sonny straightens up. Rafael is sure he expects something to happen. But Rafael sometimes just wants his husband’s company in the workplace for a bit. 

He heads to his chambers and Sonny is already there, fidgeting with his wedding ring. 

“Nervous to meet with your husband?” Rafael teases as he takes his robes off. Sonny stares at him. 

“Don’t you have court in an hour?” he asks him. 

“Doesn’t mean we can’t have fun,” he approaches his husband seductively.

Rafael stops his face from reaching down to him with a finger up, “You didn’t want us to have sex before dinner, so we won’t have sex before court,” Sonny groans, “would hate it if one of the attorneys in my courtroom smelled like semen,” 

“Do you always have to bring up your judge status?” Sonny complains, sitting on the fancy leather chair.

“Thought you quite enjoyed it,” he leans down and places a sweet kiss on Sonny’s head, “how’s your mind?”

Sonny smiles, “It’s good, baby,” Rafael gives him a sweet smile, “the meds are working,” he starts checking on Rafael’s mail, “no death threats?” he asks this regularly. Rafael hates it. 

He rolls his eyes, “You’d know about it,” 

“Didn’t know about it first time around,” he says this with a malice that’s not like him. 

“We weren’t husbands first time around,”  
Rafael says. Silence falls on them. Rafael can tell there’s something wrong. Sonny is being more fidgety than usually, and it’s not like him to keep stuff away from him, so this must be serious, “Sonny, querido,” he grabs his hand gently, “have you been getting death threats?”

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, he just looks like he’s sorry, “Damn it” Rafael says, “we have to tell someone, Sonny”

“I was a cop,” he says, “I can take care of myself,”

“You nearly got killed being a cop, cariño,” he has his phone out, “you just need protective detail, okay?”

Sonny wants to protest, but he can’t. His husband worrying so much is unlike him, and he appreciates it. He just lets him be in charge. 

It’s them against the world, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens next? Tune in in (however days it takes me to update i suck sorry) to find out.
> 
> Twitter: rafaelbarbae
> 
> BTW I accept fics as bday gifts and my birthday is june 4 uwu!!!


	6. Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A marriage proposal, some married fucking, we find out what the death threats were, and The People Vs Peter Stone comes to an end.
> 
> This chapter is EXPLICIT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE'S PORN HERE AND IT'S EXPLICIT OKAY THEY'RE MARRIED THEY HAVE SEX!!! 
> 
> CALEX RIGHTS!!!
> 
> Sorry it takes me so long to update but hey! Only two chapters to go yeeyee hawhaw

3 years - 2 years, 9 months prior  
It wasn’t much that Sonny hadn’t been _himself_ since the incident. It was that he hadn’t cared to make an effort. 

He had driven a lot of people away with a bad attitude. He didn’t text Amanda back, he sent Olivia’s fruit basket back, he even ignored his sisters when they visited him. 

The only person he couldn’t seem to push away was Rafael. And even if he didn’t show it, he appreciated it plenty. 

Rafael seemed to understand that Sonny was in a rough spot. He didn’t ask him to open up, he would just hold him when he cried and play with his hair when he was ready for affection. 

When it was finally time to let his scar breathe out, he was terrified Rafa would feel repulsed by it and run away from him. He truly didn’t know what he’d do then. 

When it happened, however, Rafael just saw him and kissed his chin lightly, asked if it still hurt, and kissed him above the scar. Sonny cried out of happiness. 

After some weeks, he asked Rafael to let his attitude back to normal. He wanted to be teased, he didn’t want Rafael to feel he had to walk on glass for him. 

And so, Rafael went back into snarky comments and his need for affection returned. 

Sonny already owned a copy of keys to Rafael’s apartment, but he asked him during a post-fucking bath to formally move in with him. And Sonny said yes immediately. He couldn’t wait to start his life with Rafael. And he was actually considering beating Rafael to a formal proposal, browsing for wedding rings whenever he went out on his own. 

He was getting scared Rafael was having second thoughts about his proposal. He’d spend nights looking at him sleep, mentally preparing himself for the eventual let down. His mind had it’s always to fuck up with him. 

It had been 3 months since the attack, and Sonny was feeling better. He still only felt comfortable around Rafael, but he was slowly starting to answer his sisters’ texts back, and he felt like himself. 

Rafael could notice this, and he pointed it out to Sonny, who just shrugged it off with a smile. Rafael could swear there was nothing more beautiful than seeing his unofficial-fiancé smile. He wanted to wake up every day and kiss him awake. He wanted the whole deal with him. Even if it involved hearing Sonny’s aunt preach how they could both still find lovely women— “and what about those lovely ladies? Amanda and Olivia? One for each!” she’d say. Rafael was willing to go through all of that, if at the end he could call Sonny Carisi his husband. 

So he set up the plan to formally propose. He had bought the ring the day he gave his lucky pen to Sonny. It was a beautiful tasteful ring with a small but shiny diamond incrusted in. He invited one night Sonny to the location of their first date; Sonny’s friend Jillian’s karaoke bar. It wasn’t the most elegant place to get a proposal. But he knew how hard it was for Sonny to muster up the courage to ask him out on a date after they admitted they had feelings. Strong ones at that. 

Rafael guides Sonny to their desk with a hand on his back. He wanted to invite more people. But highly doubts Sonny is quite _there_ yet. 

After a few rounds from mediocre singers, Raf to the stage on his own. Sonny is confused. It’s normally their thing to do duets. Sonny’s awful voice really complements Rafael’s Tony worthy voice. 

The song begins. And Sonny can tell immediately it’s a showtune. Rafael loves those, has even gone as far as to say if he got disbarred, he’d wish to become a broadway man. 

Sonny takes a sip of his beer. Rafael clears his throne. 

_”Someone to hold me too close...”_ he begins, a smile appears on Sonny’s face. He always caught Rafael singing this song while he took a shower. Rafael’s singing voice was one of the things that helped him when he was bound to the hospital bed. 

_”Someone to hurt me too deep...”_ Sonny feels chills. Why did Rafael chose this song? He tries his best to remember what musical it belongs to. 

_”Someone to sit in my chair, and ruin my sleep, and make me aware, of being alive... being alive.”_ Sonny smiles, Rafael carries the song beautifully. 

_”Somebody need me too much.”_ Sonny snorts, _he_ needs him, a lot. He’d have probably be obsessing over his scar, touching it over and over again. Reliving the tragedy that occurred to him, if it wasn’t for Rafael. 

_Somebody know me too well._ A smile forms on Sonny’s face as he thinks of all the moles in Rafael’s body, and the dumb stuff he believed as a little kid. 

_Somebody pull me up short, and put me through hell, and give me support, for being alive._ Sonny thinks of all the awful things Rafael has endured, and how he always told him that before him, he never believed he was truly worthy of love. In his vows, “You’re my love story, Sonny Carisi,” 

_Make me alive. Make me alive._ Goosebumps form on Sonny’s skin. He swears he saw this musical. He swears on it. He knows this is the last song. 

_Make me confused. Mock me with praise._ Sonny could cry, but he laughs, remembering the early days, when all he could ever tell Rafael we’re words of admiration. 

_Let me be used. Vary my days._ Sonny take what he needs and gives when it’s deemed necessary. It’s a great arrangement to have. He likes to think he keeps it refreshing for his older husband. 

_But alone, is alone. Not alive_ Sonny squints. He needs to remember what the musical is about. What was it? He remembers it being a DVD Rafael had, and telling him several times he looked exactly like him, which Rafael just brushed off, “I have better hair,”

 _Somebody crowd me with love._ He feels the urge to go up to the stage and kiss him senseless. But that wouldn’t be fair for anyone. 

_Somebody force me to care._ He suddenly remembers the musical, and he gasps outloud, is this…? Could it be…? 

_Somebody let me come through, I'll always be there,_ Oh my god. 

_As frightened as you, to help us survive being alive…_ He doesn’t have to consider it much. He stands up and bee lines into Rafael. 

_Being alive! Being alive!_ Sonny is facing Rafael now, who’s regaining his air after the song. Sonny steals his breath this time, with a kiss, a deeply passionate kiss. “Yes,” he tells Rafael when their lips are apart, “Yes, I will,” Rafael kisses him now, holding his face. 

“I wanted to be a bit more formal,” he says when the kiss ends, everyone observing them with interest, “so I got this,” he gets out a tiny velvet box from his jacket and opens it, offering it to Sonny. 

After putting it on, Sonny guides his now fiancé to their seats, to make out some more. 

—•—————————  
Present

“So,” Sonny said, crossing his arms, “I’m getting a babysitter now?” 

Rafael rolls his eyes, “Its protective detail, Sonny,” he looks out the blinds, “and they’re outside, we still have privacy,”

“I think it’s stupid,” he pouts, Rafael stares at him.

“Remember how hard you freaked out on me when I got death threats?” Rafael says, gently rubbing his arms, “you stayed here sleeping with a gun under your pillow for a week,”

“I know, I know,” Sonny says, shrugging his husband off, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,”

“Is it bringing back bad memories?” Rafael asks. 

Sonny shrugs, “I guess” 

“Cariño,” Rafael said, holding both of Sonny’s hands, “don’t do this”

Sonny rests his forehead on Rafael’s, “I’m scared,”

“I know,” he does small circles on the back of Sonny’s hands with his thumbs, “I’m here,”

“I love you,” Sonny says, and he gives his husband a small kiss on the tip of his nose. 

“I love you more,” Rafael says, and he kisses Sonny’s chin. 

“Take my mind off it,” Sonny says, grabbing Rafael’s ass, “please?”

Rafael wraps his arms around Sonny’s neck, “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” Sonny says, “as long as you want to, too, or we can just cuddle if you’re not up to it,” 

Raf smiles, “I’m up to it, sunshine,” he proceeds to kiss Sonny slowly, immediately having open mouths, at the same time he unbuttons Sonny’s shirt. Sonny shrugs it off himself. 

Rafael interrupts the kissing and stares deeply into Sonny’s blue eyes, he puts his head between his palms, “Have I ever told you you’re the love of my life?” he asks, a dorky smile on his mouth. 

“Only everyday,” Sonny rubs his love handles gently, “with the way you look at me with those gorgeous green eyes,” he continues the kiss, hungry for his husband. 

Rafael continues with a desperate fumbling at Sonny’s belt, biting his lower lip. Sonny loved everything about this; how they could be so into each other even after all these years. Sex with Rafael felt as thrilling as it did when they were just getting each other off. And the ‘in love’ factor really added intention to every stroke of the hips.

He finally gets those annoying pants off and cups Sonny’s bulge, and grabs his ass, “Top or Bottom?” he asks him barely separating his lips from Sonny’s to mutter each word.

“Just take care of me, your Honor,” Sonny says, pleading. 

Rafael smiles. It’s thrilling how sexy Sonny finds his position, “I’ll be loving,” he says, and he kisses Sonny’s exposed collarbone before removing his clothes himself and taking off Sonny’s boxers, revealing his fully erected 10 inches, he licks his lips at the sight, “How did I get this lucky?” he says, grabbing Sonny’s length at the base and slowly stroking. Sonny lets out some breathy moans. 

He then proceeds to kiss every single one of Sonny’s freckles. This always drives Sonny insane. The attention to detail his husband has will never cease to amuse him. He lets himself feel loved. 

After a few minutes of this, and Sonny’s cock already precumming from the friction he received from Rafael’s dreadfully covered cock, Rafael reaches out for his nightstand to retrieve the lube. Condoms had stopped being a necessity when they both got tested as they decided to stay monogamous. Rafael pops open the tiny bottle and gets out a generous amount. Sonny continues laying on his back, not contributing much. 

“Have you ever realized you’re dominant on every aspect of your life?” he asks Rafael, Rafael chuckles and shrugs. 

“You know I have learned give up control for you, Dominick Carisi,” he says and winks. 

“Oh, you mean the blindfold and cuff thing?” Sonny asks cheekily. Rafael smiles at the memory, at how much he loved letting go. But today was about making his wonderful husband feel like a princess. And that’s exactly what he’s doing. 

“Spread legs,” he tells him; and he complies, flinching at the first cold lube touch on his hole, “I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this while I lube you up, but I fucking love you,” Sonny laughs and a moan escapes him when Rafael inadvertently introduces a second finger. 

“G...God,” he says as he squirms. 

“Good catholic,” Rafael teases, which only makes Sonny’s erection twitch. 

Rafael reaches his mouth once again and kisses him deeply and with meaning. Sonny could melt this very instant. He starts grinding his ass, trying to ride Rafael’s hand. To this, Rafael gets his lips away from him, “You wanna ride something, sweetie?” Sonny mutters a tiny “mhm” Rafael positions him so he’s on his lap staring at him. Sonny understands and hugs Rafael’s upper body while the Cuban removes his trousers. He rapidly spreads lube on his hand on his dick with a quick jerking off. And he guides Sonny to sit on it. 

clings on his back with his nails as Rafael enters his thick cock inside him. He lets out a sigh as all of it is in and Rafael starts bouncing his pelvis to please his husband. Sonny moves his ass to the rhythm Rafael implemented. He wraps his arms around his husbands neck. 

“You’re the fucking love of my life,” he says, and he kisses his husband deeply and with purpose. He’s never felt as safe as he does when he’s, in a way, so vulnerable with his husband. He continues making out with him until Rafael is hitting his prostate with each hit and Sonny moans into the kiss, Rafael catching his bottom lip with his teeth, eliciting a loud moan from Sonny. Raf continues guiding them both towards orgasm, as he strokes Sonny’s long cock until little white drops cover both their chest. Some of the drops clinging to their chest hair. Rafael comes inside Sonny, and he carefully gets him off him. 

Sonny stands up and goes for a washcloth for both of them. Rafael lies exhausted in bed, ready to go to sleep, covered only from the waist down by their sheets. Sonny cleans himself and his husband up, places a kiss on Rafael’s nose, whispers “I love you” to him, and places the washcloth on the dirty laundry. 

“Big spoon or little?” Sonny says, Rafael grunts. 

“Little,” he says, his voice small, “but I wanna see you, I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he says. Sonny’s heart melts. 

“Well, we can cuddle facing each other on each other’s arms? And you can rest on my chest, my love,” Sonny suggests. 

Rafael nods, heavy eyelids nearly closing, “Do you still have a gun permit?” he asks, Sonny rolls his eyes.

“No, but there’s some uniforms outside our door, Rafael,” he places a kiss to the top of his head. 

“I trust you more,” he says, cuddling closer.

Sonny snorts, “I hope you do,” 

And so, they fall asleep, wrapped on each other’s arms. 

—————

Rafael rolls his eyes, “You’re so stubborn,” he says, dramatically throwing his arms on the air. 

“It’s not a big deal, honey,” Sonny says, angrily doing his tie. Rafael exhales, exasperated, and comes in close to do Sonny’s tie all over, since he never gets it quite right. 

 

“I just think, as a man of the law AND as your husband,” he rises a finger up, Sonny knows he’s selling his case, “that you shouldn’t go to work today,” 

“And leave Langan hanging?” Sonny says, scoffing, “No can do, sugar,”

Rafael rolls his eyes, “Don’t open any correspondance,” 

“Oh, they use anthrax on ADAs now?” Sonny mocks, Rafael tilts his head, giving Sonny a look, “Okay, okay, I’ll be careful,” 

Rafael smiles, grabs his overcoat and heads for the door, “Now that it’s decided you will go to work, you’re taking me to the courthouse,”  
—————  
As soon as Sonny arrives to his office, he sits down on his chair and sighs loudly. Then he punches the desk, which doesn’t make him feel better in any way. But he’s angry, and he doesn’t like to showcase said anger in front of Rafael, since, even if he doesn’t say it, he panics when he sees his husband angry. Perhaps the memory of his father comes back when this happens, or at least this is what Sonny believes. Either way, he’s still trying to figure out to graciously tell The Judge Rafael Barba that he should see a therapist about his unresolved childhood trauma. 

After he lets some of his steam blow over, Sonny picks up a case file, wondering if he should bargain a plea deal with the ever so lovely Rita Calhoun, who doubled as his husband’s best woman. As he’s pondering on the adequate sentence, someone knocks on his door. He reaches to his hip out of instinct (old habits die hard), then brushes it off. He clears his throat, “Yeah?”

“Mr. Carisi?” his assistant says, a new girl called Valencia, “Lieutenant Benson is here to see you,” Sonny feels himself relax.

“Yeah, let her in,” and so, Olivia comes in, Sonny greets her with his hands joined together and a smile on his face, “Hi Lieu, what can I do for you?” he says.

“I bring news,” Liv says, sitting down, looking serious. 

Sonny straightens his back, “Oh?” he bites the interior of his lip, fearing the worst.

“So, we know the origin of the death threats,” Liv says.

“Aha,” Sonny says, “I mean, I haven’t been a cop for a couple of years, but I assume it wasn’t too hard? I mean, I have worked one high profile case which is still in trial, and the rest are pretty insignificant in the large scheme of things? Did it have to do anything with being married to a judge?” he says in a rapid word vomit.

Liv blinks several times, “No, Sonny, no,” she says, considering the man in front of her, “are you okay?” 

He does a dismissive hand gesture, “I was just a bit on edge during the weekend,” he sighs, “Rafael is an angel, but also a bit panicky when it comes to the possibility of losing me,” he shrugs, “just hit me with it,”

“Well,” she still looks at him, “the e-mail ones came from Stone’s IP,” she says, Sonny narrows his eyes, “but as you remember, Judge Barth revoked his access to the web, so,” she shrugs, “it couldn’t be him,”

“So,” Sonny leans in, “we’re thinking a hacker?” 

“Seems likely,” Olivia says, “he’s a former ADA, he simply can’t be so stupid,” she looks at the distance for a moment, “and Langan assures me he has had no access to any Internet device.”

Sonny tilts his head, “And do you trust him?” 

Olivia stares at him, “Look, Sonny, I know it’s your job to suspect of everyone, but I’m not involved with either of their business and I don’t have a bias just because Trevor represented me when I needed it,”

Sonny shrugs, “I believe you,” 

“You seem a lot calmer,” she points out.

He makes a face, “I guess I considered to be someone actually dangerous, but if they’re using Stone’s IP,” he picks up a case file, signaling Liv it was time for her to leave, “then they don’t know what scares me at all,”

\---------

“So that was it?” Rafael asks over their shared lunch at a sandwich place in a middle point between the courthouse and one hogan place, “Someone fucking with you to believe it was Stone?” 

“Yeah,” Sonny shrugs it off, “they’re investigating exactly _who_ it was, but I wouldn’t worry,” he takes a sip of his water, “it’s just words,”

“It was just words from the beginning,” Rafael titls his head, “it’s so unlike you to worry over words, what happened?” 

Oh, his husband, Sonny knows he catches on to stuff quicker than he ever could, “I guess,” he sighs, “I guess I was worried it had something to do with you being my husband,” he licks his lip, Rafael has a confused look on his face, “I was scared of the threats against me becoming threats against you,” he holds his husband’s hand, “just the mere thought of someone hurting you terrifies me, you know that,” he gives Rafael a sad small smile.

“Sonny,” Rafael puts his hand on top of Sonny’s, “it’s okay, it’s over, really,”

“I know,” Sonny’s phone chimes, he pulls it out of his pocket and sighs, “speak of the Devil, now it really is,” he gives a humorless laugh.

“Who was it?” Rafael asks, leaning in to try to see Sonny’s screen.

Sonny puts his phone back on his pocket and sighs, then pinches his nose bridge, and finally, lets escape a loud laugh, scaring his husband a bit, “It was a teenager with nothing better to do,” he keeps laughing, “God, I really felt threatened by a teenager for a bit,” Rafael smiles gently, “we’re okay,” Sonny says, kissing the back of Rafael’s hand, “we’re so okay,” 

————————

Now that the threat of death was beyond him, Sonny could finally focus on his closing statement for Wednesday’s finale court day. 

But it was proving rather difficult. He was considering calling Rafael for advice, but he had sworn to himself he wouldn’t rely on his much more experienced husband for this specific case. He puts his face on his palms and sighs loudly. Then he remembers he can ask another experienced ex SVU ADA for advice: he had a dinner that night with Casey Novak herself. He lets himself breath and begins outlining the points he wishes to give. 

—————————

While Rafael is brushing his teeth, Sonny shaves in the sink next to him, “Do you think she’ll answer all my questions?” Sonny says, shaking out of excitement. 

“Calm down, you’re shaving,” Rafael simply says, “you can always ask Olivia,” Rafael says, with a bit of curiosity on his voice, “they worked together,”

“Olivia’s not a lawyer,” he rolls his eyes, “besides, Casey is so much like me,” he dreamily looks up to the ceiling, “she was a SVU ADA, _and_ she’s married to another former-SVU-ADA-turned-judge,” he pokes Rafael’s side, who just groans. 

“Don’t mention Cabot in this house,” he rinses his mouth, “she’s insufferable at poker night,” 

Sonny exhales dramatically, “I’m just, so excited for some knowledge,” he all but has hearts popping out of his head, a dreamy look on his eyes. 

“Should I be worried that you apparently have a thing for ADAs?” Rafael says, putting on a battered Harvard shirt. 

Sonny blinks at him, then points to himself, “Do I have a thing for myself?”

“With the amount of time you spent on your hair, I wouldn’t doubt it” Rafael scoffs, Sonny gaps his mouth open, feigning offense. 

“I would ne–“ he protests. 

“The first time you topped, you looked at yourself on the mirror the entire time, mi vida,” he says, taking off the excess of shaving cream left on his husband’s neck, who tries to protest, but it’s immediately cut off by Raf, “just get ready, don’t make a senior ADA wait,” he exits the bathroom, “specially not Novak, she’s my choice to replace McCoy,”

——————-

 

“She really said that?” Sonny says, holding his glass of wine, his feet up on Casey and Alex’s brown couch on their living room. They both had had a pleasant dinner, and they were just chatting with wine now.

“Of course she did, she’s Alexandra frickin’ Cabot, she says whatever she wants,” Casey says, laughing, and takes a sip of her wine. She’s wearing a soft turtleneck and jeans, “the house is empty without her,” she sighs, “thank you for joining me,” she offers a toast, and Sonny complies, clinking their glasses, then taking a long sip out of it. At this rate, he was going to come to Rafael tipsy, something that always deeply entertained his husband. 

“I really appreciate you inviting me over, and really,” he says, pointing at his notes in the coffee table, “thank you for your law insight, it’s all terrifying,”

“Not gonna lie,” she shakes her head, and makes a face, then takes a small sip, “it never gets less scary, you just become braver,”

Sonny chuckles, and Casey slaps his arm, “I’m serious!” 

He smiles, “It’s nice to know there’s someone else who knows what it’s like to be an ADA married to a judge,” he says, “don’t think there’s many of us,” 

Casey makes a dismissive hand gesture, “Maybe we’re the only queer ones,” she chuckles, “but yeah, aren’t they a handful?”

Sonny exhales through his teeth, nodding vigorously, “I love Raf, but he brings his power to the house everyday,” he tilts his head, and pushes his eyebrows together “actually, that might just be him, he did that even before he was chosen,” 

Casey laughs, “Alex has always been strong and God,” she stares at the ceiling, then licks her lips, “I never thought someone could look good in judge’s robes,”

Sonny nearly spills his little pool of wine from excitement, “Right?!” he’s so glad someone understands him. He feels completely in place on every aspect of his life. 

\----------------------------

“Now,” Sonny says, on the last bit of his closing statement, referring himself to the jury, “should we just let a ‘mistake’,” he over uses his hands, unable to stop his Italian heritage from showing, “go? When does that stop? A girl is still in a comma. Should we let it go if she dies? Should we forgive every mistake a privileged man makes, only because he was a man of the law?” he channels his inner Rafael Barba, putting emphasis on every one of his words. “I don’t think we should,” and with that he takes a seat. Feeling satisfied with himself. 

Regardless of the fact he had already had put people behind the bars for SVU, this still felt like his first case. Probably because it was the first one Olivia handed him, on his office, a few weeks back. He now knew he wouldn’t be less than if Stone was declared not guilty. He had fought the fight, and he was proud of himself.

He sighs, and tunes back to Langan’s closing statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it look like I know anything about the law bc I don't lmao fuck Peter Stone lives
> 
> twitter: rafaelbargay
> 
> Please RT/like this https://twitter.com/rafaelbargay/status/1141057448196710400


	7. Family Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BETTER LATE THAN NEVER I SUCK!!!!
> 
> if you're still reading uwu THANK U
> 
> it costed me a lot of thinking to decide how to finish this story. It's so dear to my heart, and I knew i wanted to go with the original plan. then i decided to add something more. 
> 
> I got stuck a lot, but I overall love how this ended up. Hope u do too!

Sonny is woken up by the insistent vibration of his phone. Before answering, he checks the clock: 1 am. 

He reads the Caller ID, and answers immediately. 

If Liv is calling him at one am, it must be urgent. 

“Carisi,” he replies instinctively. 

“Sonny,” she says, “sorry for waking you,”

“‘Sfine,” he yawns, “what’s up?”

“Well,” he can tell Olivia is pacing, “I’m at the hospital,” she pauses, Sonny feels his heart on his throat, “Amelia died,”

Now he feels his heart dropping to his stomach, “Oh,” from assault in the second to manslaughter, just like that, “Do you need me to go down there?”

“No need, the jury’s been notified,”

“Doesn’t Langan want to make a deal?”

“He’s said nothing of the sort,”

Sonny sighs, “Alright, then,” he turns to see his husband blissfully sleeping, “If anything happens, I’m a phone call away,”

“Of course,” Olivia says. Sonny hangs up. 

He looks at his husband, inches closer to him, and spoons him, holding him tight. 

***  
“The jury is in,” Sonny emerges from the bathroom completely dressed up. Rafael is shocked to see he was able to color match correctly, “I’ve gotta be in the courthouse in 30,” 

“I’ll hurry up, then,” Rafael says, standing up and gently kissing Sonny’s jaw, “Glad to see you finally learned color theory, counselor,” he winks. 

Sonny rolls his eyes playfully. 

Rafael gets ready quickly, and Sonny thinks it’s not fair a human can look as good as Rafael with so little time to prep. He angles his head to kiss his lips.

“You’re cheery,” Rafael says after he breaks the kiss, “hopeful?”

“I really think I can bring justice for Amelia,” Sonny says. 

Rafael smiles at his husband’s conviction, “Let’s go then,”

***

When Sonny gets to the courthouse, part is empty. He checks his Apple Watch; he’s a bit early. He relaxes and sits on the bench outside. He always found empty courtrooms eery. 

He thinks back on how he felt the first moment he saw the defendants name. He compares it to how he feels now; and he honestly feels confident. He’s sure the people have common sense. 

“ADA Carisi?” a voice interrupts his thoughts. 

He looks up from his phone to see the woman talking to him. He offers her a smile, “Yeah?”

“Hi,” she says, “Mind if I sit down?” He scoots over to let her sit, she turns to face him, “I’m Maria Green, I come from Henshall and Langan,” Sonny draws his eyebrows together, confused, “uh, I’m not quite sure of how to say this,”

“What? Stone ran away?” Sonny says, a lame attempt at joking. Maria’s face, however, contorts into a painful expression.

“He’s dead.” 

Sonny doesn’t say anything for a while. Unsure of how to take these news. He lets his facial expressions speak for themselves; Rafael always said his face told stories on its own, “How?”

“Car crash on the way here,” she says, matter of factly. Sonny appreciates her detachment.

He nods, “Wow,”

She nods, “So the jury’s not coming, it’s pointless,”

Sonny sighs, staring into empty space, “I suppose so,”

“The verdict was certain to be guilty,” Maria says, Sonny doesn’t ponder on the validity or legality of this, “in case you wanted to know,”

Sonny doesn’t face her, “I didn’t, actually,” he says. 

The paralegal nods, “I’m sorry it turned out this way, ADA Carisi,”

“Stone’s dead, the victim is dead...” Sonny shrugs, “Whatever... Just, whatever,”

He stands up. He can’t handle the pity Maria is trying to give him.

He wants to drown his sorrows on alcohol. His first case, he was going to win. And the perp died before he could see justice. 

It wasn’t fair. 

***

After doing mindless paperwork on his office, Sonny heads out early to go to Forlini’s.

He hasn’t been there more than three times since his incident; being surrounded by strange cops brings back unpleasant memories. But he guesses he can handle it for a night. 

He’s already on his third beer when his phone begins vibrating. Seeing it’s a non registered number, he lets it go to voicemail. 

The second time it rings he’s on his fifth beer. His mind is pleasantly empty and he feels lighter; so he picks up. 

“Assistant District Attorney Carisi,” he says. His thick Staten Island accent coming out stronger due to his buzz. 

“Sonny,” a feminine voice says from the other end. Sonny nearly drops his phone. He hasn’t heard that voice in a long time. Not since he announced his engagement. 

His mother. 

***

Rafael anxiously shakes his leg in the shotgun seat. Sonny glances over.   
“It’s not the first time you meet my parents, Rafa,”   
“We’re telling them we’re getting married, Sonny,” he says, “I’m allowed to be nervous.”   
Sonny smiles, he puts his hand on Rafael’s thigh and squeezes, then puts it back on the steering wheel, “We’ll be fine,”  
An hour later, they’re knocking on the Carisi’s family house. Sonny is standing up straight, determined as ever. Rafael thinks he resembles the look he has when he’s going to enter the interrogation room. He bites his bottom lip. He really does hope this goes as well as Sonny claims it will.

“Sonny!” Dominick Sr. opens the door, he embraces his son in a one armed hug. He scans Rafael, with the same indifference he always has around him; Rafael isn’t quite sure where he stands with the family’s patriarch. 

He guesses he’ll find out today.

Debra receives Sonny with a warm embrace. He kisses Rafael’s cheek.

“I’m so glad you could make it, with all the craziness going about your,” she mimics a thumb crossing horizontally through her neck, Rafael cringes, but Sonny keeps a straight face, “and you brought Rafael along.”

Rafael had never felt welcome in the Carisi home. He preferred solely talking with Teresa, who shared his passion for whiskey. But she wouldn’t be here today; just them and Sonny’s parents.

The dinner is pretty arbitrary. Rafael keeps on bouncing his leg. Sonny puts an end to it by placing a firm hand on his thigh. This is also a cue for him announcing their engagement. Rafael knows to keep quiet if things go south. 

Sonny puts his hand on top of his, then smiles at his parents “We’re getting married,”

His parents stare at him, then at each other. They don’t say anything. Rafael licks his lips and squeezes Sonny’s hand. 

“Sonny, join us in the kitchen?” his mother says. 

Sonny nearly scoffs, “We’re in the middle of our meal, and whatever you wanna say, you can say in front of my _fiancé_

His parents give each other one of those looks only married couples understand.

After a silent conversation between the two, his mother breaks the silent, “You do not have our blessing,”

Rafael feels like the oxygen left the room. He’s sure he audibly gasped. He turns to look at Sonny’s reaction. He’s clenching his jaw. 

“Well,” he says, “I didn’t come here asking for that.” his parents give each other a look, “But I’ll hear you over, why? Why don’t I get that? Because Rafael is a guy? Don’t,” he puts a finger up to his mother before she can protest, “do not give me that Catholic crap. You have no trouble accepting every man that asks for her hand, now, that isn’t very Catholic of you,”

“It’s not that,” his mother shuffles on her seat, “Sonny, we love you but–”

“You can’t argue that he’s not the best for me,” he interrupts, “He’s a Manhattan _judge_ for crying out loud!” he looks over to Rafael, with an apologetic look. Rafael looks back sadly. It was hard telling his mother, but she at least she held back her feelings.

“Dominick,” his father says, “just let your mother talk,”

“We accepted this whole thing when you told us, but this can’t be your future, Sonny. You can’t… you can’t be gay,” his mother says, choking back tears.

“Well,” Sonny says, his jaw clenched so hard Rafael fears it’ll pop, “I’m not, I’m bisexual. And that won’t change once I’m married to this man.” he stands up, Rafael follows suit, “Because it’ll happen,” Rafael can tell his heart is breaking. “with or without you,” he shrugs, “so you decide if your ideas on who you want me to be are stronger than your love for me,” 

Sonny had wishfully sent them an invite, complete with a note saying there would be no hard feelings if they just came to his wedding. 

Ultimately, they didn’t. Teresa walked him to the altar.

It broke his heart, how his parents seemingly didn’t love him enough to accept this side of him. It wasn’t like they were by-the-book Catholics. They just… seemed to hate the mere idea of Sonny marrying a man. 

But he didn’t have any regrets. They were in the wrong. Not him.

***

“So your mother called, and you don’t want me to come see her with you?”

“I wouldn’t just be seeing my mother, Raf, my father would also be there,”

“He doesn’t scare me,” Rafael says, furrowing his eyebrows; Rafael had grown since the last time he saw Dominick Sr., and so had Sonny; they could do this together, just how they did with Lucía. 

“Raf, it’s just…” Sonny sighs, “I’ve thought this over a lot, and I mean a lot, and I think this is something I should do on my own,”

Rafael raises his eyebrows, “You mean, so they feel more comfortable?” 

Sonny grunts, “Don’t say it like that,” 

“You always tell me to say it how it is,” Rafael says.

“Look,” Sonny checks his Apple Watch and begins to head out, “I’ll go, and I’ll do what I have to do,”

“How are you feeling, though?”

Sonny stops dead on his tracks. Damn Rafael and his caring. 

“I’m terrified, Rafael,” he says, looking at his husband.

“Sure you don’t want me there?” Rafael asks, approaching his husband to run his hands through his arms.

Sonny lays his head on Rafael’s shoulder, which results in an awkward position, but neither of them complain, “I’m their son, and I think it’d… it’d be easier if you’re not there,”

Rafael nods, even when his heart breaks a little, “I get that,”

“They’re just…” Sonny sighs, he would rather not think about his parents. It hurts. 

“We can just stay home and cuddle,” Rafael offers.

“No, I… I owe it to myself to at least try to… regain them, I guess,” Sonny says, Rafael rubs his back, grabs his head, and kisses his nose, then his chin, then his lips. 

“I love you,” he says, his deep green eyes staring at Sonny with all the love in the world.

Sonny smiles, “I love you more,” he kisses his spouse goodbye and leaves to the restaurant.

***

Rafael gets startled when the door slams three hours later, Sonny channels all his anger into his work, so this is uncommon. 

“What happened?” Rafael puts his book aside. Sonny plummets down next to him in their love seat.

Sonny grunts for a few seconds, “Same old, same old,” he closes his eyes, “Catholic parents, you know the drill,” 

“Tried to suggest women to marry?”

Sonny rolls his eyes, “They fucking started with that, how fucked up is that?” he straightens up, “They wasted no time to tell me what girls from church were available, asked me if I considered divorce… Oh, and worst of all, they gushed all night about me being an ADA,” he scoffs, “they called because they were following the Stone case,”

Rafael raises his eyebrows, “Did they come around?”

“I think they will, eventually,” he says, “we talked a lot, and they agreed to see a pro-LGBT pastor, so that’s a start,” he shrugs.

Rafael smiles, pulling Sonny in to hug him.

“Next time, we should handle them together,” Sonny says, “it’s exhausting being the only lawyer in an argument,” he melts into Rafael’s hug.

“I think we could get in a lot of trouble if the Manhattan Supreme Court learns we’re working together,” Sonny rolls his eyes.

“Shut up,” he says, leaning forward to kiss him.

Rafael makes coming home worth it, even on the hardest days. Sonny’s heart still feels heavy after everything that occurred in the day, but here, in Rafael’s arms, he feels lighter.

And as long as that continues, he can go forward.

***  
January, 3 years back. 

“I can’t believe you’re officially a judge,” Olivia says, after the squad and their ex-ADA clink glasses in a toast. Celebrating Rafael’s oath of office. Rafael smirks.

Sonny holds his waist, bringing him closer even when their chairs are as close as they can be, “It’s his dream, coming true,” Sonny says, kissing his cheek.

“And I am sharing it with the best of New York’s finest,” he says, regarding the entire table, “I wouldn’t have met you Liv, who opened my heart, or Sonny, who stole my heart,” 

Amanda makes a dry heave motion, making the whole table burst into laughing.

Rafael looks at Sonny, who has his head thrown back, and he thinks of how much he wants to marry this man. This wonderful, passionate man. 

So he promises to himself that he will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter is an epilogue and i promise to be better oop
> 
> Twitter: @rafaelbarbae
> 
> Comment and kudos!


End file.
